Category Archives: Phobias

NLP Now – Perceptions

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I saw a client, a highly educated woman who had a problem with her daughter.

This lady, a doctor, had asked me to work with her daughter, as she said the daughter was getting into bad company, she was doing things that were wrong.

From experience, I know that there are two sides to every story and more, and having had studied the works of Virginia Satir, it is often the case that the person who has the finger pointing at them, is not at fault or having a problem, it is the person pointing the finger that has the problem. With this in mind, it is one of the new radical ways Virginia Satir would work with clients, she saw the problem as a family problem a whole unit.

I needed to work with all the parties, the mother and daughter.

Now as I sit here alone, the music of Peter and the Wolf (click here to see blog) going through my head, the story flowing in vivid pictures in my mind, I can, imagine now, the tree in the yard, with the cat and Peter sitting on the branch overhanging the meadow.

What do you see in you mind?

What sort of tree is it?

What is the colour of the cat?

Just think about it for a while.

Is it an oak tree, a fir tree, a weeping willow tree?

Is the cat a black cat, a white cat, orange cat?

Whatever you saw in your mind, and yes you must have, for to process the information, people make pictures in their head, you were wrong. Very wrong. Because, my tree is a strange Russian tree devoid of leaves even though it is in summer, and the cat is a panther, black shining muscular body, and big black eyes.

Whenever we are given any information to process, and that means everything we have happen to us, we have to go back into our previous experiences or learnings to make sense of what is happening. This is called a transderivational search. The resultant understanding becomes the truth of the situation, our own understanding. If the only cat you have ever experienced is seeing an orange cat, that is what you would see in your minds eye, your imagination, if you had only experienced a black cat with three legs, that is how all cats would be to you, until you had other examples of cats.

We see our life from our previous experiences, we learn from our experiences.

So were you correct in the view of what you saw in your mind of the cat in the tree, or was I correct. We both were, but we were both wrong, as the next person will see and understand something different.

How often do you argue, have misunderstandings with a loved one, a colleague, a friend?

Did you stop and see the situation from the perspective of the other person? Did you put their shoes on?

Step outside your world for a second, and see things as others would see things. perhaps you were seeing things in the past from only your point of view.

Through a simple NLP exercise, I worked with both the mother and daughter, and brought them together, now they are like sisters. I will explain in a later blog.

A good film to watch on this subject is What The Bleep Do We know. Watch it a couple of times to get a real understanding of what is being taught.

Do you allow your cat to stray onto other peoples land and climb their trees?

Keep your cat out of other peoples trees.


Update to Prozac, Seroxat, Effexor and Serzone, do they work?

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Further to my article Prozac, Seroxat, Effexor and Serzone, do they work?  and the follow-up NLP, Alternative Therapies against Antidepressants, the British Guardian newspaper published an article titled “Drug firms face new laws on test results“.

I heard about this article whilst listening to the BBC Radio Five Live breakfast program, just a few words as they reviewed the morning’s newspapers, and they inferred that the British Government would be bringing in new laws requiring drug companies to publish ALL research results from clinical trials.

The article did not say that. What it did say is :-


“The health minister Dawn Primarolo will tell MPs (Members of Parliament, the British Government) that new legislation will be introduced by the end of the year to ensure drugs companies pass on results of clinical trials as soon as the alarm is raised about one of their medicines.”

and that

“The minister will announce that new legislation will be introduced by the end of the year placing a greater obligation on companies to disclose results of trials.”

Note the words “a greater obligation“, they infer, that a drug company only has to inform the British Medicines and Healthcare Regulatory Authority (MHRA), when there is a problem.

This action resulted from the antidepressant Seroxat, produced by GlaxoSmithKline (GSK), where GSK had identified two problems in about 1998, being :-

    1. There was a higher risk of suicidal behaviour among under 18’s using Seroxat rather than a placebo.


    2. The antidepressant drug Seroxat was ineffective in dealing with depressive illness among under 18s.

It took until 2003 until the MHRA announced that doctors should not give Seroxat to the under 18’s.

The newspaper article goes on to say that in the USA, and agreement was made by GSK to publish ALL its’ trial results, available to the public, whether negative or positive. 

How do we know, or in fact the prescribing doctors know, what these drugs are doing to us, what side-effects they are having?

                                                                Pills in hand what are these drugs are doing to us?

Perhaps alternative therapies, even if they are from the placebo effect, are better for us. (see www.nlpnow.net)

And come on Radio Five Live, do not twist an article to say what you want it to.

See article
It is how you interpret what your modalities give you.

CBT, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

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Booking on the Hypno-Cognitive Behavioural Therapy®, (HCBT) course, was to help me understand and put into practice what CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is.

To understand the therapy, I firstly needed to understand the words used to describe CBT.

    Cognitive         refers to the way a person thinks about themselves, others and the world around them.

    Behavioural     how and what a person does, affects the way they develop their thoughts and feelings.

    Therapy            helps the person to change their world, preferably for the better.

CBT is known as a “talking” therapy, and deals with the here and now, unlike some other therapies which look for the cause of the problems and difficulties, by going back into the past, and even further back into past life. CBT looks for ways to improve the state of mind, now.

CBT is said to help people with mental health problems such as anxiety, depression, panic attacks, phobias, OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), post traumatic stress disorder, schizophrenia and eating disorders, and was developed out of Joseph Wolpe’s behaviour therapy in the 1950’s, combining Cognitive Therapy (CT) of Aaron Beck and Rational-Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) of Albert Ellis, and other psychotherapies treatments of that time.

By taking a situation or event, we will process this in our brains, and this will lead to us having thoughts about it, which could create emotions, give us physical feelings which will lead to some actions that we will take.

Perhaps a loved one has not telephoned as expected. This situation can be taken in many ways, and it is how the thoughts are processed that feelings and thus emotions and outcomes are generated.

Example 1

    Situation                
No telephone call.

    Thoughts                Does not love me, they are out with another person.

    Emotions                Envy, jealousy, sad, upset.

    Physical Feelings    Crying, panic, feeling sick

    Action                     Argue, retaliate.

Example 2

    Situation                
No telephone call.

    Thoughts                He/she is in an important meeting.

    Emotions                Proud, supportive.

    Physical Feelings    Relaxed, feeling comfortable

    Action                     Prepare a nice meal.

If we take the situation the wrong way, there could be a feedback system or looping, which will generate even more bad feelings, thus creating a vicious circle, leading perhaps to anxiety, stress, depression if not stopped.

CBT aims to break this cycle, by introducing, or in NLP terms reframing, alternative solutions that can be accepted by the client, by changing the way the situation is thought about (cognitive) and what is done about it (behavioural).

Typically a client will take the therapy for from six weeks or even six months, compared to perhaps one or two sessions with a competent NLP Practitioner.

An advantage of taking longer over the therapy (that is weeks) is that the client is monitored, but this also means the treatment is slow.

Removing Phobias and Fears, Confidence Building

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Much of my life at the moment is delivering courses, NLP, Coaching, Hypnosis, Stage Hypnosis, Memory, Mind Maps and PhotoReading, to the general public and companies, but I also work with individuals with their issues.

These issues could be phobias (click to see your phobia), fears, lack of confidence, presentation skills, self-esteem, smoking, drugs, eating disorders, whatever, I will and have worked with them. 

I only see the client once, but that session can be as long as it takes to have the successful outcome the client wants. You can click here to read about some of the recommendations and work I have done.

My other offer to my clients is that I will go/travel to them, their home, their hotel, their office. This has taken me to some far places for the day, Rome, Northern Ireland, airport departure lounges, police stations. It is all in a days work, and I love it.

Yesterday I visited Rochester, a town east of London. This journey took me from my home town of Kingston upon Thames, into the train station Waterloo in Central London, change to another train line, and then out the other side of London to Rochester.

I prefer the train in some ways as it is cheaper, and I can sit and read the newspaper, watch the countryside slip passed, work, or just relax in my own thoughts.

There are only two things it is believed that the human is naturally frightened or phobic about, and these are falling and load noises, everything else is learned.
 
What can be learned can be unlearned.

It is so satisfying to work with people, put them at ease with me, and to work with them without them really realising I am working with them.

The quickest I have removed phobias or fears is probably seconds.

Traveling out of Heathrow to Italy, a lady and her friend sitting and waiting in the departure lounge were talking. She caught sight of the aircraft, and went into a flaming phobic fit.

I walked up to her and said “do you want to get rid of it?” 

She nodded, and I did my thing, and it had gone. Her friend turned to her and asked if she was OK, as they continued their conversation.

I watched them all the way to Milan, chatting away as the rest of the passengers were, yet she never thanked me.

Often I never hear again from my clients, after all, why should I hear from them.

Often they say that they could not have had a phobia in the first place.

Others say it is bazare that the old feelings and thoughts are gone.

I love my job.

Business Matters TV program in Sri Lanka

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In 2003 I travelled to Columbo in Sri Lankato give courses in NLP, PhotoReading, Mind Maps, and was asked to take part in a TV program called Business Matters, hosted Parakrama Dissanayake.

The podcast TV progam lasts about ten minutes and will take a little time to download depending on internet speed. Enjoy.

                                             
For those wishing to take part in future courses in Sri Lanka, please visit the web site www.nlpnow-lanka.com or contact Maxwell de Silva or Hemantha Wickremasinghe on SRI LANKA 011 2345257.

NLP Master Practitioner – Istanbul

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Sunday saw the end of the NLP Master Practitioner Course here in a very hot Istanbul. Not only was the weather hot, but we lost electricity for the whole day, as workers dug up the street below our window.


It is always sad to end a nine day course, as the participants share a lot of experiences together as they learn and make any changes they wanted. As always people took a time to leave the building, like loosing an old friend.
                                                      NLP, remove a deep seated phobia.


                                                      

Eye Accessing Cues

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                                        Eye Accessing Cues DiagramEYE ACCESSING CUES

               VC – Visual Constructed
               VR – Visual Remembered
               AC – Auditory Constructed
               AR – Auditory Remembered
               K   – Kinesthetic
               AD – Auditory Digital

Also known as lateral eye movements in neurological terms, eye accessing cues allows the NLP Practitioner to observe how people are accessing different parts of their brain as they think and process information. This will allow us to communicate in the same modality, the same language as the people you observe. It is also a good way of telling if you are being told the truth.

If you ask someone to think of or visualise the face of their mother, they will probably look up to their right. See the diagram above. VR

If you ask someone to think about or visualise a pink elephant, they will probably look up and to their left, as the diagram above. VC

If you ask someone to recall the sound of the school bell, they will probably move their eyes to their right, neither up or down as the diagram shows above. AR

Ask the person to imagine a Martian speaking, (a sound they have never heard), they will probably look to their left, as the diagram. AC

Ask a person what it is like to feel a bar of soap in their hands, they will probably move their eyes down towards their right. K

When people are having an internal dialog, talking to themselves, they will probably look down to their left. AD

The movements will be very slight and an unconscious movement, by asking questions of a person to remember or construct a memory so you can observe their processing modality, V,A,K, will result in the person being very conscious of their own eye movements, so do not let them know what you are doing, just observe.

The movements can change direction, the remembered can move to their left, and visa versa. You will have to calibrate to the eye movements, by asking questions that you know the answer to. There is a theory that left handed people will reverse the pattern, but I have not observed this in all the courses I have run throughout the world.

By observing and modifying the communication you have with people, so that you converse in the same modality, will have a big impact on how they respond to you.

BACK TO GLOSSARY OF NLP (click)

The Future as told by a Fortune Teller.

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Yesterday I heard from a friend who had their fortune told, and said that there was a mention about me, they could tell by the way the fortune teller described the person. It implied I was or will be ill.

I believe in many things that cannot be proven 100% at this time could be true, or should I say, I have an open mind about ideas, thoughts, technologies, methodologies until they can be proven wrong.

Take for example Remote Viewing, Physique Spying, that the American’s undertook and practiced for many years. Before working with Joe McMoneagle, perhaps the number one remote viewer some years ago, it was just a story, a myth, but I had an open mind. Learning from him, proved to me that such a thing can be achieved. With a friend, Nickie Walker as a runner, we demonstrated for a TV program that Remote Viewing does work.

How about fortune telling?

Is it mind reading? (See the Meta Model)  It could be.

Is it seeing into the future? (See the way the brain works to follow) It could be.

Is it a confidence trick, where the reader, the fortune teller is calibrating to the sitter, reporting back any feedback that is given by noticing eye accessing cues, body movements and language patterns.? It could be.

Because of the way we as humans process information at the surface level, missing out the deep structure, by using the model of Miller that we only take 7 +/- 2 pieces of information, by knowing that to understand we go on a transderivational search into our past experiences, by knowing that we delete, distort and generalise information, by knowing that we put our cat on the mat, we only hear what we want to hear, what which suits us. We fit what is being told to us into our Map of our World or in NLP terms, The Map is not the Territory, our understanding.

We also tend to believe what others say to us. If someone say to us, “you do look sick,” the chances are that you will begin to feel ill, and if enough people tell you that, then it must be true. If someone tells you after a holiday that “you do look great”, and others say the same, then that will influence you, it must be true.

Should you listen to others, fortune tellers, soothsayers, oracles?

There was once a great leader who was at war with the world, expanding his territory, and he went to an oracle to foresee the future. Should he go to battle with the enemy or not? He was told that there would be a great battle, and there would be a great victory. So he assembled his army and attacked his neighbours.

He lost. He failed to get all the facts about the future battle, he did not ask who would win, he believed what he wanted to believe that he would be the winner.

Perhaps the fortune teller can tell us about the future as it could be. I believe that the future is in our hands. It is up to us to take that information, and use it to our advantage, make changes that will make it happen, or changes to prevent it happening.

Look below the surface level, chunk down to look at what could be true and act upon it now.

Daily Express My Views

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Daily Express my thoughts, my teaching, that is what I have set this blog up for.

To help people, through fears and phobias, gain confidence, to do what they have always wished, to excel, achieve the excellence deserved through NLP, Hypnosis, and all my learning.

I am often asked to help in projects, and often contacted by journalists, reporters, TV programmes for help. So it was a few weeks ago. A certain writer telephoned me for information on NLP, what was it, what can be achieved by NLP. Lots of questions, lasting quite a long time. I spent more time compiling more information for him so he could create his article.

When the publication date arrived, I purchased the paper wondering what was written.

I was not mentioned. Nothing.

Oh Poo Poo.

I attended Harvard Business School some time ago now, and out of the Strategic Negotiation Course, perhaps one of the most intensive I have taken, I learnt about Win Win, Win Loose, Loose Win, in negotiations and sales. To know the BATNA of each other. (more to follow.)

In anything you do, selling, coaching, helping, just being, it is always best to be in a Win Win situation, where both parties are satisfied with the outcome, nobody gains over the other, both win.

If you buy a chocolate cake, and you find that the baker has charged you too much money, obviously the baker is very happy, but are you? Will you go back?

If you go to buy a chocolate cake and you negotiate the price down until the baker has made no profit, has not even made money for the time, effort and knowledge in the process of baking the cake, is the baker likely to sell you another?

I remember a friend of mine Bill telling me a story.

He had a client who supplied and fitted replacement windows.

The client of Bill, had fitted some windows, but one window would not shut properly. The fitters tried adjusting the gearing and fittings, nothing would work. For two days they laboured, with no luck, and the customer began to complain, wanting their money back because of bad workmanship.

Bill was called in, and went to the site, looked at the window, took a small hammer from his inside pocket, and tapped the window.

The window closed.

A week later after submitting his invoice, Bill was contacted by the client who complained about the amount of Bill’s charge £500.00.

      “How can this be so much as all you did was tap the window?” the client complained.

      “Simple. For tapping the window I charged £1.00. Knowing where to tap the window is £499.00.” Bill replied.

Every thing we do has worth. I will not buy the newspaper again.

But there again I am happy, it has given myself something to write about in my blog and keep my mission to Daily Express my views, and I helped someone.