Category Archives: Coaching

NLP Now – The META MODEL – Lost Performative

Published by:

The Lost Performative

The Meta Model looks at the language patterns we make, which are made at the surface level (click to read) to recover the deleted information.

In statements or understandings, we will make references to persons or things or actions, but the person doing or performing the action is missing or not mentioned.

         “She hit me.”

The person doing the hitting is missing.

As an NLP Practitioner, we need to challenge the statement or recover the missing information, who is doing the hitting.

           “Who precisely hit you?”       “Hit by whom?”

Back to Meta Model diagram (click)

NLP Now – The Meta Model Part 2

Published by:



Inside the model of their world
Outside the model of their world

Click on the language pattern for more information.


Inside the model of their world
This is how the persons perceives or describes the world as it appears from their viewpoint,
Outside the model of their world
This is how the person understands from within their own perception, their own understanding.
For a full description of the Meta Model click here.

NLP Now – The Meta Model

Published by:

We talk to people, we communicate, using words, gestures, body movements, eye movements, tonality, it is how we understand each other, pass on information and gather information. It is  a whole body experience. We use language to express our thoughts and our experiences.

We have seen in the articles “NLP Now – The Map is Not the Territory” understanding George Miller’s 7 +/- 2 model of acquiring information, and “NLP Now – Surface Structure Deep Structure“, that the human mind will delete, distort and generalise information, as we absorb or take information in, and as we communicate our thoughts and experiences to others.

meta milton model iceberg effect

Meta, Milton model iceberg effect

It was Richard Bandler’s and John Grinder’s, the co-founders of NLP, observations and learnings from Milton H Erickson, Virginia Satir et al, that helped them understand language, the rules we use, the linguistics and transformational grammar, that the Meta Model came, and resulted in the 1975 book “The Structure of Magic“.

The Meta Model (click to understand the structure of the Meta Model) gives us the structure to notice what is missing from our own or other peoples understanding of the world, and the questions that will help us or them retrieve this missing information.

When we see something (V – visual), there are billions of pieces of information bombarding us at any one time. Reading this article, there are the words on the screen or on the paper if you have printed the article. How about the words you have already read, the words yet to be read, the area around the article, the walls of the room, the floor the ceiling, the colours, all the items on the table, these are still being absorbed into your brain, although you are not consciously aware of them all.

You delete these from your awareness.

As you are reading this article, there are sounds (A- auditory) that are there, perhaps sounds of cars, traffic, the sound of the fridge in the kitchen, the sounds of the clock. Many of these sounds are deleted from our awareness, although being absorbed into our inner mind.

There are smells, (O – olfactory), in the room or space you are occupying,maybe the polish someone use to clean, maybe the smell of the next meal cooking. You are not aware of these until they are mentioned.

The taste (G – gustatory) in your mouth, until I mentioned this, perhaps you were not aware of them.

How about your feet on the floor, (K – kinesthetic). Until I mentioned the feelings, one would assume that there would be no conscious knowledge of the. The hair on your head. Are you now aware of the hair?

We delete a lot of information or details as we acquire data, although at a non conscious level, this information is absorbed, our conscious world is depleted of this information.

It is the work of the NLP Practitioner to help the client to enrich their world with this missing information, to go to the deep structure, to chunk down to acquire knowledge and understanding, should it be needed and appropriate.

When a person or client communicates information, they (and we) will also delete information. for example:-

“Colin read a book”

there is a lot of missing information, which Colin, where did he read the book, what book did he read, how fast did he read, did he PhotoRead the book?

Again, it is the work of the NLP Practitioner to acquire or retrieve this information so that we or the client  has a better understanding of what is being said.

When the client or we take this information, we have to go on a Transderivational Search, go into our past experiences to make sense, to get an understanding, of what has been said, and often we distort this original information to fit our world, our understanding.

Consider the next sentence.

“She hit me.”

What do you understand? You will have come-up with an understanding of what was meant by this statement.

That resultant understanding will probably become the truth as you understand it, we therefore generalise this belief as the truth, and it is not, as there is a lot of missing information, as to how hard she hit me, with what did she hit me, and where did she hit me.

By using the Meta Model, we can chunk down, go to the deep structure, retrieve missing information, to obtain a full picture, a full understanding.

Articles investigating the language patterns used in the Meta Model. Click here.

NLP Practitioner PhotoReading and Mind Maps Courses

Published by:

Today I had a telephone conversation with a gentleman in the UK about taking/participating in NLP courses, and the vast numbers of trainers offering trainings. Could I advise him? How he could become good at NLP? what was the correct path to take?

My strategy has been to go to the originators, the developers, those that hold the intellectual rights to the technologies I want to learn. See articles of my journey of learning, click. I do not want to learn from someone who has read a book, heard from someone else, or who has plagiarised someone else’s work. I respect others knowledge, give credit when required, and seek official accreditation to teach their work as a licensed or certified trainer. 

I told him that if he could, why not attend a course given by Richard Bandler himself on NLP, there would be many hundreds of people on the course, which the gentleman did not like, he wanted a smaller participant number.

Why not come to Turkey? The courses are much cheaper. Accommodation is very much cheaper and flights are very cheap.

What a great idea. Come to Turkey to attend the next Certified, Society of NLP Practitioner course, given by my good self, here in Istanbul.

I am running a number of courses in the next few weeks, in conjunction with NLPGrup.

      Society of NLP Practitioner        9 July – 15 July      
      PhotoReading                              30 June – 1 July                        

      Mind Maps                                    8 July                           

Others are following over the next few months.

All courses are given in English, I speak only English, and there is translation into Turkish.

Call me on Skype VoiP,  contact name NLPNOW,

My Turkish mobile number (Turkey) 05384068230

Email me, or visit my website

Contact NLPGrup on (Turkey) 0212 31 77 77, or visit their website

BATNA – Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement

Published by:

A couple of years ago I attended Harvard Business School, and from the Strategic Negotiation Course, perhaps one of the hardest courses I have every attended,  but enjoyable, we learned the model BATNA, standing for “best alternative to a negotiated agreement“.

From their book Getting to Yes: Negotiating Without Giving In, Roger Fisher and William Ury created the term BATNA

A BATNA is determined by knowing each parties upper and lower points at which they would walk away from an agreement, and will result in a course of action that will be taken by a either party if the current negotiations fail and an agreement cannot be reached.

In basic terms, when in negotiation, if the proposed agreement is better than your BATNA, then you should accept it, whereas if the proposed agreement is worse than your BATNA, you should walk away, or reopen negotiations. If you cannot improve the agreement, then you should at least consider withdrawing from the negotiations and pursuing your alternatives.

When in negotiation, one should also consider the other party’s BATNA, to come to an agreement that is a Win Win situation. That is to say that neither party looses in the agreement.

The BATNA can protect you both parties from accepting terms that are too unfavorable and from rejecting terms it would be in your interest to accept.
Many considerations should be made in constructing a BATNA, not just money or value, maybe payment terms, add-on value such as guarantees, delivery, suitability, needs, etc.

Eye Accessing Cues

Published by:

                                        Eye Accessing Cues DiagramEYE ACCESSING CUES

               VC – Visual Constructed
               VR – Visual Remembered
               AC – Auditory Constructed
               AR – Auditory Remembered
               K   – Kinesthetic
               AD – Auditory Digital

Also known as lateral eye movements in neurological terms, eye accessing cues allows the NLP Practitioner to observe how people are accessing different parts of their brain as they think and process information. This will allow us to communicate in the same modality, the same language as the people you observe. It is also a good way of telling if you are being told the truth.

If you ask someone to think of or visualise the face of their mother, they will probably look up to their right. See the diagram above. VR

If you ask someone to think about or visualise a pink elephant, they will probably look up and to their left, as the diagram above. VC

If you ask someone to recall the sound of the school bell, they will probably move their eyes to their right, neither up or down as the diagram shows above. AR

Ask the person to imagine a Martian speaking, (a sound they have never heard), they will probably look to their left, as the diagram. AC

Ask a person what it is like to feel a bar of soap in their hands, they will probably move their eyes down towards their right. K

When people are having an internal dialog, talking to themselves, they will probably look down to their left. AD

The movements will be very slight and an unconscious movement, by asking questions of a person to remember or construct a memory so you can observe their processing modality, V,A,K, will result in the person being very conscious of their own eye movements, so do not let them know what you are doing, just observe.

The movements can change direction, the remembered can move to their left, and visa versa. You will have to calibrate to the eye movements, by asking questions that you know the answer to. There is a theory that left handed people will reverse the pattern, but I have not observed this in all the courses I have run throughout the world.

By observing and modifying the communication you have with people, so that you converse in the same modality, will have a big impact on how they respond to you.



Published by:

There are times when you wish to achieve, do, accomplish or learn, and we have difficulty. You look about you and see others doing that you want to do with ease, happiness, confidence, enthusiasm.

What is wrong?


You have not found the right strategy for you yet. In NLP we use STRATEGY Elicitation to find out how people achieve excellence. We look for the internal processing of those you wish to emulate. You look for the V.A.K.O.G. of how they process the external and internal information, stimulus or experiences, and if it is appropriate, try the strategy yourself.

As you try the new strategy you can apply the following model, the NOP model.

         N   =  Notice it.
         O   =  Own it.
           =  Play with it.


If you do something and it is to your liking and successful, notice what is happening, notice your feelings, your thoughts, what you see, hear, taste and smell, both internally and externally.


If this new thing is good, then make it your own, take ownership of it. It is yours.


Make adjustments to what you notice, and try the new strategy again, if that is better then own it. Then play with that.

Keep looping round the NOP strategy until you have a strategy that is uniquely yours.


Published by:

I was frustrated.

I presupposed that certain things, actions, people’s thoughts were as I saw them, understood and believed in my own mind. My cat on the mat or my cat in the tree.

I was asked if I had written an article or blog on how the brain works (to follow) by a member of the course I am giving here in Istanbul, Turkey. I said as yet I had not as I need time to write it, but I would. Quite rightly, the participant asked that he be emailed when I had published it, and others overhearing the conversation also asked to be informed, to which I said “join the blog and SUBSCRIBE on the left-hand side”.

I pointed to the area on my computer screen and the participant entered his email, and pressed SUBSCRIBE.

Nothing happened.

How long had this facility not been working? How many people had failed in the past? Were you one?

I tested other features on the blog, and found errors. Entering any word in the SEARCH facility resulted in always the Paypal screen being displayed which people are sent to, to download The Castle MP3 hypnosis track.

I contacted the supplier of the blog service, and after half an hour, was told that there was a problem, and they had been corrected now.

So Subscribe NOW if you wish on the left-hand sidebar, it now works, please let me know if it does not work for you.

That meant I left the office at 8:30pm, twelve hours after arriving, and with half-an-hours lunch break, the rest of the time being spent training people, presenting, teaching and using my NLP skills to solve participants problems of frustration, lack of confidence and other issues.

Please do not take me wrong, I love my work, I would not do so many hours, put so much effort into my trainings, if that was not so. I get a buzz from seeing people learning, overcoming hurdles, removing barriers, gaining confidence, achieving what they wanted in life, learning a language, and so quickly. I love my work.

But where is my time? I have so much I want to do, learn, accomplish. I plan my day, I use time-management, but still I have not enough time in the day to satisfy my wishes and requirements, as well as the wishes and requirements of friends, colleagues, participants and customers.

I get frustrated.

That frustration brings my state down, you begin to doubt your ability, confidence drains away, you blame other people. Why was there a problem with the SUBSCRIBE button? Why are people late, eating into the lunch break? Why do people want things now?

When you get frustrated, it is a state, as happiness, sadness, joy are too. We create these states ourselves, in our mind.

Just think of a happy time, perhaps a great holiday by the beach, relaxing, with the blue sky, seagulls swooping down into the sea, the waves gently washing the sand as the waves gently break in the shallow water. (click to see video of Sri Lanka or click to see video of the seashore at Rixos Premium Belek).

What happens to you as you picture and experience thoughts in your mind? Do you get a good feeling inside, does your state change? Yes.

Notice your sitting position now. Notice how you feel.

Now, push your bottom into the back of the chair, sit upright, shoulders back. Notice how you feel. Different?

Perhaps we are too quick to blame others for our own state of frustration. “Why did they not do this?” “Why did they not do that?” “Why are they late?”

I should have checked the SUBSCRIBE button myself, like I should have checked the frustration I felt at the time, so to change and correct the situation, change your state to a good happy successful state, and not presuppose it is others problems or fault.


Published by:

When we have a task, something we wish to achieve, there are two models we can apply that can help us. They are the SMART. Model and the GROW Model. We can also apply the WHAT, WHY, WHERE, WHO, WHEN and HOW model.

By applying or asking the questions WHAT? WHY? WHERE? WHO? WHEN? HOW? we can cover all aspects, all requirements, to know what resources we need to achieve your goal or outcome.


What are you going to do? What are you going to make? What are you going to purchase?

This is the task, the goal or the outcome you wish to achieve.

Be positive in defining the WHAT? Be bold, strong. It is not good enough to say “I want to be rich.” You must say by how much, make it as if you were describing the richest person in the world.

Ask, WHAT am I going to do?”


Why are you going to do this task, attain the goal the outcome? Again be decisive, Do not say “So I can save the world.” Chunk down, give specific information as to the reasons you will be doing this task.

Ask, WHY is this important for me to do it?”


Where are you going to do, perform, carry-out this task? If you are going to teach Scuba Diving, is it feasible to do this in the middle of the Sahara desert, where there is no water.

Ask, “WHERE am I going to do this?”


Who is going to perform, do, carry-out the task? Is it just you? Do you need other people? What sort of people? How many? Who else needs to be involved?

Ask,”WHO is going to do what?”


When is this task to be carried out? Remember the SMART Model, it has to be timely.

Ask, WHEN do I want this to be completed?”


How are you going to carry-out the task? What steps do you need to put in-place? What resources do you need to accomplish the task?

Ask, HOW am I going to do this?”

By applying the WHAT, WHY, WHERE, WHO, WHEN, HOW principle, you will find the “building blocks”, the steps, the resources you need to succeed.