It has been some time since my last blog, but that is not because I have not been inactive, far from it I have not had much time on my hands.
Today is the last day of the Society of NLP Practitioner Course being held in the Golf Residence Hotel in Milan. Coach4Life.
Once again, the Italian participants have been a joy to work with and to pass-on my knowledge to.
It has been since the early 1990’s that I have been coming to Italy sometimes on a monthly basis, to give courses, and it has made me happy to see participants rise to fame themselves in the training field.
Breakfast in Bed Golf Hotel Milan
But what happiness this morning, my last morning, a knock on my bedroom door, and there waiting for me was my breakfast on a tray.
Further to my previous entries of wearing the badge of the Special Half Hour (SHH), for the Richard Bacon program on BBC Radio 5 Live, I wore it with pride in Bahrain at an NLP Master Practitioner course I was giving.
Of course, I left the participants eager to know what was the Special Half Hour, but as in other countries, they will have to tune in to the internet to listen.
Brigadier Abdulla Saif Al.Naimi and Amira A. Rehami with Phillip Holt wearing the SHH badge. Two participants from the Society of NLP Master Practitioner course, Bahrain, June 2009
There are some beautiful sights, sounds and smells as you walk in the countryside so near to the heart of London, and it seems strange that in the distance you can see the City of London, the towering office blocks with people crammed into a small area, yet you are with wild animals, fantastic gardens like the Isabella Plantation, and strange sights.
Here is the Push Me, Pull Me animal. It is an animal that sometimes reflects life.
The Push Me Pull Me Animal
I have often had clients who have had a relationship problem, and recently it was a couple who from appearances loved each other a lot, but they could not become one, a couple.
They were both giving the right signals to each other, they helped each other through difficulties, but that is where it stayed.
When I listened to their individual stories, I could begin to understand.
The lady was making signals that said to the man, I am available, come and get me, I want you, contact me, help me, and the man responded. She was pulling him towards her.
When the man responded, there was the feedback, I am not available, I am out tonight, etc, from her. She was pushing him away.
Just like the Push Me Pull Me animal, she did not know which direction to go.
Now I could not tell either of them which direction to go. It would be incorrect for me to do so as a Coach. It is a coach’s duty to get the party or parties to come to their own answers, yes to be a guide, but for them to resolve the issues.
I had a friend John, who was married, and unfortunately there was a medical problem with the wife, which meant she lost her womanhood. The psychological problems that caused her, meant that she had to lay blame for her loss, and in her mind it was the husband, who had no responsibility for what happened.
The wife hated the husband for what had happened to her, and yet she could not let him go, there was a love hate relationship with her. He stood by her until he became ill, he did not know what to do, should he continue in the marriage or divorce for the sake of both their sanities.
She did not know if she loved or hated the husband, he did not know whether to end the relationship or continue. Push Me, Pull Me.
Sometimes it is good just to talk the issues through with a coach or councilor, or to talk honestly with each other, to tell ones feelings thoughts, not to be a Push Me Pull Me, leaving the other partner not knowing what direction the other wants to go.
In NLP there are techniques to coach people through the Push Me Pull Me situation. Perhaps the best one Perceptual Positions. Seeing the situation from others point of view.
If the Push Me Pull Me is not resolved there will be conflict, and that leads to misunderstanding, mistrust and unhappiness.
It was a privilege and honour to have recently been on the BBC’s Radio 5 Live, Special Half Hour of Richard Bacon nightly show.
The Special Half Hour is aired between 00:30am and 1am in the morning on Richard Bacon’s week day (really nightly) show, and protocol dictates that I cannot tell you the contents of the SHH (Special Half Hour). So, if you would like to know what is the SHH, I am sorry you will have to tune-in or go on-line via the internet and listen there.
Being on the show, I was awarded the Special Half Hour badge, and I said I would wear it with pride at a training course I am now giving here in Milan, Italy, the NLP Master Practitioner.
Of course, the participants being Italian, will have no idea about the Special Half Hour, and even if they ask, I will not be able to explain to the what they are missing, or perhaps what you are missing.
The only answer is, stay up, tune-in and listen to Radio 5 Live of the BBC, 0030 hours until 0100 hours, and find out.
Phillip Holt and SHH BadgePhillip Holt and SHH Badge
Phillip Holt training the Master Practitioner NLP course Milan wearing with pride the Special Half Hour badge.
It was whilst delivering the final day of the NLP Practitioner course in Vicenza, Italy, that I realised that the participants had remembered what I had taught them on my last visit.
A large number of staff from the Turkish Bank, DenizBank, (deniz meaning sea in English), attended one of three, three hour presentation I gave at their wonderful academy facilities in Şişli a district in Istanbul. My presentation was part of a larger course they were attending.
I had worked with a number of DenizBank staff before, when they attended a course called “Learn English with NLP“, given by a previous company I worked with (see Category Archives headed English Courses in the left hand column). I provided the NLPportion of the training. The course to learn English lasted nine days, from 9am until 9pm. I had three sessions with the attendees, in the morning 9am till 9:45am, at lunch time from 1:30pm until 2pm, and then in the evening from 6pm until 6:45pm.
Each of the three presentations given in DenizBank’s Şişli academy had nearly three hundred attendees, and I covered three aspects of NLPfor them to understand and learn from. What are the anchors they are giving to fellow staff members and to customers, what impressions are they leaving people? What feedback do they give others? How to stay strong with Mustapha, Antonio or Fred.
Under the spot lights on the stage it was hot, and time just slipped by so quickly, but my timing was spot on. I had been given exact times to start and finish, as the attendees had other presentations to catch.
DENİZBANK Presentation, Istanbul
Phillip Holt with translator Arzu at DenizBank seminar
Demonstrating an NLP techniqueDENİZBANK Presentation, IstanbulDENİZBANK Presentation, Istanbul
Phillip Holt works with attendees at DenizBank seminar
My travels take me to many places around the world, and these places and people have many customs and beliefs. These customs and beliefs will range from behaviours, dress, food, and politics to religion. The latter two I keep away from.
My problem is that as I visit and give more trainings in these far places(click to see countries I visit), I am introduced to even more culture, and as I forget what country or region I am in, I can make big mistakes.
Simple things like hand movements, simple words, touching, looking, how I eat food, drink, or blow my nose, can cause offense. And, I do not intentionally.
OK, there are times when I intentionally shock my participants with what I do. It is done for a purpose, but that is another matter.
Simple things like blowing my nose. In Turkey it should never be done whilst eating at the dining table. The trouble is I did not know this until recent times. How often have I eaten a spicy meal, hot chillies, that make my nose run, it is not that I have a cold, but my nose really runs, and how often have I blown my nose? I cannot have it dripping can I?
Sorry people who have taken me for a meal and I did wrong.
In China or Malaysia, South East Asia, they eat noodles, which can be called spaghetti in Italy and the rest of the world, as far as I am concerned they are one of the same. In China, they scoop the noodles into the mouth, and the excess is bitten off and is allowed to fall to back onto the plate. In Italy it should all be placed into the mouth whole, none should be dropped back onto the plate.
Sorry Donatella, when I ate like a Chinaman at your friend’s restaurant in upmarket Rome.
In some countries it is rude to show the souls of the feet, that is one reason when people sit on the floor they place their feet beneath them like in a yoga position. My knees do not bend that way or that much. I have tried, but it seems I am not built to do that.
Sorry, I suppose I should have some replacement knees.
The classic sign to indicate to stop is to place the flat of the hand towards the person you wish to stop. Most police forces use it to stop traffic. But then it can be a rude sign to some cultures. Another sign to say stop is to run an outstretched hand across the neck, to cut or finish. In Italy this is a bad sign used by the Mafia.
Sorry people in Italy.
I Muslim counties, cultures or beliefs, it is sometimes not done for a man to touch or shake a womans hand, one of the most natural ways of meeting someone, thus we have the NLP Handshake Interrupt exercise. (click to see).
In some cultures, it is not the done thing to show any form of affection or gratitude, for example the kissing of cheeks we see in Mainland Europe or the Middle East. It is certainly not done by the British, but I have gotten used to it.
Sorry those of you in the Chinese community, especially the family in Malaysia and Bing, my brother-in-law.
Perhaps the answer could be that we all wear a big sign around our necks, which states and says what is acceptable to us and what is not. It would then be easy for me not to cause offense to others by my words and action, and for others not to upset me, like jumping the queue. (click to read).
But then, people who have been on my courses can cope with culture differences, they may not like the differences, but now they can accept them and smile.
To the rest of you. Sorry in advance.
Can you let me know of differences in culture and beliefs you know of, by posting a comment below so I can be prepared?
The Meta Modellooks at the language patterns we make, which are made at the surface level(click to read) to recover the deleted information.
A Complex Equivalence creates a conclusion which is held as true from two unrelated events.
There is nearly always the use of or a implication of the words “means that.”
Statement:-
“She is going to leave me, she has not baked a chocolate cake.”
Can be challenged by:-
“What makes you think not baking a cake means she will leave you, perhaps she has no flour?”
Statement:-
“You are too old, you will never learn.”
Challenge:-
“Do only young people learn new things?”
Sometimes there is an overlap between Cause and Effect and Complex Equivalence. Cause and Effect has a time element or implication that will happen in the future, whereas, Complex Equivalence happens now or concurrently.
We talk to people, we communicate, using words, gestures, body movements, eye movements, tonality, it is how we understand each other, pass on information and gather information. It is a whole body experience. We use language to express our thoughts and our experiences.
We have seen in the articles “NLP Now – The Map is Not the Territory” understanding George Miller’s 7 +/- 2 model of acquiring information, and “NLP Now – Surface Structure Deep Structure“, that the human mind will delete, distort and generalise information, as we absorb or take information in, and as we communicate our thoughts and experiences to others.
Meta, Milton model iceberg effect
It was Richard Bandler’s and John Grinder’s, the co-founders of NLP, observations and learnings from Milton H Erickson, Virginia Satir et al, that helped them understand language, the rules we use, the linguistics and transformational grammar, that the Meta Model came, and resulted in the 1975 book “The Structure of Magic“.
The Meta Model(click to understand the structure of the Meta Model)gives us the structure to notice what is missing from our own or other peoples understanding of the world, and the questions that will help us or them retrieve this missing information.
When we see something (V – visual), there are billions of pieces of information bombarding us at any one time. Reading this article, there are the words on the screen or on the paper if you have printed the article. How about the words you have already read, the words yet to be read, the area around the article, the walls of the room, the floor the ceiling, the colours, all the items on the table, these are still being absorbed into your brain, although you are not consciously aware of them all.
You delete these from your awareness.
As you are reading this article, there are sounds (A- auditory) that are there, perhaps sounds of cars, traffic, the sound of the fridge in the kitchen, the sounds of the clock. Many of these sounds are deleted from our awareness, although being absorbed into our inner mind.
There are smells, (O – olfactory), in the room or space you are occupying,maybe the polish someone use to clean, maybe the smell of the next meal cooking. You are not aware of these until they are mentioned.
The taste (G – gustatory) in your mouth, until I mentioned this, perhaps you were not aware of them.
How about your feet on the floor, (K – kinesthetic). Until I mentioned the feelings, one would assume that there would be no conscious knowledge of the. The hair on your head. Are you now aware of the hair?
We delete a lot of information or details as we acquire data, although at a non conscious level, this information is absorbed, our conscious world is depleted of this information.
It is the work of the NLP Practitioner to help the client to enrich their world with this missing information, to go to the deep structure, to chunk down to acquire knowledge and understanding, should it be needed and appropriate.
When a person or client communicates information, they (and we) will also delete information. for example:-
“Colin read a book”
there is a lot of missing information, which Colin, where did he read the book, what book did he read, how fast did he read, did he PhotoRead the book?
Again, it is the work of the NLP Practitioner to acquire or retrieve this information so that we or the client has a better understanding of what is being said.
When the client or we take this information, we have to go on a Transderivational Search, go into our past experiences to make sense, to get an understanding, of what has been said, and often we distort this original information to fit our world, our understanding.
Consider the next sentence.
“She hit me.”
What do you understand? You will have come-up with an understanding of what was meant by this statement.
That resultant understanding will probably become the truth as you understand it, we therefore generalise this belief as the truth, and it is not, as there is a lot of missing information, as to how hard she hit me, with what did she hit me, and where did she hit me.
By using the Meta Model, we can chunk down, go to the deep structure, retrieve missing information, to obtain a full picture, a full understanding.
Articles investigating the language patterns used in the Meta Model. Click here.
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