Yesterday I was lost, as I was half in and half out of sleep, I did not know where I was. Click here to read.
This morning I know where I am. The Seminal Hotel in Istanbul.
Seminal Hotel, Istanbul, Turkey
I have stayed in the hotel many times over the years I have been visiting and training in Turkey, but it is a tourist hotel, with guests only staying for a few days, then they are off to visit another “important” site. The hotel seems to cater for mainly Arabic nationals, who always seem to have to shout at the top of their voices to have a conversation. They seem to have large families, taking many rooms, and they race from room to room, or shout from one room to another.
The hotel is comfortable, in need of a refurbishment, perhaps new carpets and a coat of paint, and like many hotels in Istanbul, sometimes have a bad smell. But the staff are friendly now they know me, and it is home for a few days.
My time to relax is in the breakfast room, where I can observe other guests starting their day. I feel at ease, as I watch, and try and workout the fellow guests nationality, are they Arab, Turkish, German, Russian?
As I sit drinking my strong Turkish tea English style, with a drop of milk, I watch the staff, as they busy themselves replenishing the food laid out in a buffet style, or cleaning the tables, wondering what they are thinking about the guests they are looking after.
One member of staff aways has a welcome, it is good to see his smiling face. I know where I am when I see Cafer, I am in the Seminal Hotel.
Cafer, staff member, Seminal Hotel
Category: NLP
This morning I was awoken early at 6am by a distant alarm call, too early for me on my rest day, my relaxation, I needed sleep.
As I held back my desire to complain at such an early awakening, the need for sleep washed over me like a wave, my head swirled with tiredness.
I do not like to lie in bed, usually I like to be up and about, I am not a person who says “five minutes more“, despite the description of my getting up in the morning strategy in my NLP courses. Some people who when it is time to get up like the “five minutes more” time in bed, and should there be any interruption to this extra 5 mins time, they will very forcefully demand quiet.
I lay there for a while though, trying my best to slip back into the deep slumber, even putting my head under the duvet, but I had to get up, as nature called, and the person or persons who needed to be up and about so early, readied themselves noisily. No consideration for others.
Eventually it all went quiet, and my head and body demanded more sleep, so I slipped back into my comfortable bed, beneath a warm cuddly duvet.
It seems as I travel the world delivering my courses in such places as China, Malaysia, Sri Lanka, India, Turkey, Italy etc, I never sleep in the same bed for more than ten days.
Each time I move to a new hotel or room, I have to get used to the bed and room.
My bed
Some beds are small singles, others are twins, yet others are gigantic beds, enough to hold a party. Some of the beds are so hard that it is like sleeping on a concrete floor, whereas some are so soft it is like floating in a warm tropical sea, others are of odd shapes, one was even like a banana giving me a very bad nights sleep.
I have to get accustomed to the layout of the rooms. Where are the light switches, so I can see in the dark. Which door is to the bathroom/toilet, I would not like to get it mixed up with a wardrobe in the middle of the night.
As I slipped under the duvet, pulling it up under my chin, that wave of sleep took over, my eyes closed, and as I drifted off, I started to dream, of some exotic harem (pronouned hareem), well I am in Turkey.
Turkish Harem
In this half dream half awake state, I suddenly started to panic.
Where was I?
Was I in a harem?
Which country am I in?
In the semi darkened room, I could not recognise anything, nothing made sense, was I in the UK, where was I?
My brain searched for answers, but found none, and I panicked more. I was lost.
Where was the belly dancer?
In my slowly emerging waking state, I searched for where the door as I lay there, where was the wardrobe?
What room was I in? I recognised nothing.
Slowly, slowly, I started to become aware of my surroundings, and I found myself once again.
By now I was fully awake, and there was no way I would get back to sleep.
It is strange how the brain can only take in a small proportion of information it is presented with (7 + /-2), and with that amount of information, (surface structure), comes up with stories of it’s own, it hallucinates to make sense of it, (deletes, distorts and generalises). click to read articles
This was not a good experience, but I look forward to slipping under the duvet tonight, I might find my belly dancer again.
Belly Dancer in my dreams
Who knows?
NLP arrived in Gaziantep in Southern Turkey, where 17 participants attended eager to learn and make a change.
Gaziantep January 2008
Organised by Gap Consultancy in Gaziantep in conjunction with NLPNOW, it was a lively course, which allowed me to meet many more people, and try out new food and culture, including the tasty spoon and fork fruit, or its’ Turkish name of Medlar or Musmula. click to read.
Perhaps the most amazing and moving story to come out of the course was of a lady who had Bell’s Palsey (Palsy).
Bell’s Palsey is a condition which causes damage or inflammation of facial nerves, which results in paralysis or weakness of one side of the face, maybe resulting in the drooping and none closure of the eye and side of the mouth. The causes of Bell’s Palsey remains a mystery, perhaps with a viral infection playing a part, causing inflammation that presses on the nerves.
Around 80% of sufferers make a recovery after about three months, but this lady had the problem for many years.
I was determined that at some stage, the problem with this lady would start to be resolved, and sure enough, she began to feel sensations returning to her face and her eye beginning to blink and close. We even saw a smile on her face.
It is at these times that I know that my work and training has worth, and that if there is a belief in that change can be made, then it can be.
I held a recent course in Istanbul on coaching, and one of the subjects or components of the course was the communication between the coach and the person being coached.
Coaching course February 2008, Istanbul, Turkey.
Great teachers and philosophers of time were Socrates and his student and followers Plato and his student Aristotle, all knew the best way of teaching students, was to draw-out of them the knowledge, to understand that the knowledge is already there, the knowledge has to be accessed by the student or learner themselves.
Socrates devoted his life to talking to people of knowledge or claiming knowledge, then helping them to understand their ignorance as he understood his own, thus be able to increase their knowledge.
And thus it is with coaching someone. It is the function of a coach to guide, yes, but allow the coached person to find a solution themselves, which is believed is already available within, or that the person has the capabilities and resources to find the solution.
If a person has found a solution on their own accord, and they have committed to undertake that solution, they will be more likely to undertake and fulfill that solution, as against being told what to do.
To help the person being coached, we use chunking and the NLP Meta Model, to access the knowledge below the surface or within the deep structure of the mind or subconscious.
It is imperative that the coach keeps their understanding of the solution to themselves, to keep their cat off the mat, to understand that the map is not the territory.
The best way to keep the coaches way of understanding and thinking from that of the coached person, is for the coach to say nothing, but with style, and to give feedback as required that the coached person is learning and finding to right solution for them.
A great course. see web site www.c4coaching.com
Today I had a few minutes to wait and I was looking down onto a busy intersection, traffic coming from all directions, merging together around a traffic island. Buses, cars, lorries, motorbikes plus people trying to get to their destinations, homes, workplaces, shops.
Among the people walking down the footpaths I noticed a small white dog, doing its’ own thing, sniffing here sniffing there, leaving its’ mark, criss-crossing from tree to tree, lamp post to lamp post, oblivious to all that was going on around it, as the people were to it.
Then the dog had to get across that busy intersection. There were no traffic lights, no police controlling the flow of traffic, the vehicles just pushing their way across from one side to the other. Walkers dashed between the cars.
How was this dog, so small going to cross?
It went to the curb edge, and waited. It knew that this was dangerous for it as cars sped past.
It look up and around it, and it waited until there was a crowd of people waiting to cross, and it blended in with the crowd, in the middle, and as the crowd forced their way across that intersection, it stayed in the center, protected on all sides.
Once across the other side the dog became the individual it was, doing its’ own thing, safely.
Although not a good picture, the dog ( by the tree) can be seen making what would be his daily journey across the busy intersection.
Categories
Where does time go.
I woke up just before my alarm clock was due to go off at 7:30am and I checked the time on my wristwatch, but that said 3:15am, and confusion reigned, I could not believe it, as my watch never tells the wrong time.
The only answer was that the battery had run out, yet the watch was less than one year one, well one year in my ownership, how long it had lain in the shop I purchased it from is another story.
A friend said they would get the battery replaced, but that meant I have been without a wristwatch.
I did not know how many times a day I refer to my watch during a day, I was completely lost without it, and I was not in a position to use another watch from my collection.
The only solution would have to be to use a mobile phone I have which shows the time.
Then I got to think why don’t the manufacturers combine a wristwatch and mobile phone together.
The technology is there, chips are small enough to fit a phone and watch in the same small package, the answer to a battery, would be to house the battery in the wrist band, and we already have little blue tooth earpieces, proving that the speaker and mike can be close together.
Come on Samsung, Nokia or Casio, this device would truly be hands free.
Phillip’s watchphone
Now I have lost my mobile phone, See Blog.
When I was a small boy, living with my mother and father in the English town of Chasetown, we would sit at the dining table for the long gone traditional family meal.
The best part of the meal for me would be the pudding, sweat or dessert, and I would ask my mother, “what’s for pudding Mom?” and she would inevitably reply “Wait and See”.
All sorts of images, pictures of exotic puddings would be conjured up in my mind, I had no idea what it could be. It was not apple pie, Bakewell tart, rhubarb and custard, I knew those. But “Wait and See”?
Today, is a day of rest. I have done my Income, Self Assessment, Tax, reasonably caught-up with my emails and post, I have nothing to do. I had a quiet breakfast, looking out into a clear blue sky, which at this time of the year means a cold crispy day.
What is going to happen today, what am I going to do?
My mind went back, reliving those days sitting at the dinning table, eagerly awaiting the pudding. Was it going to be a pudding that the lady two doors away, Mrs Grice, was promising to cook for my friend Brian Bradbury and myself, Spotted Dick? I had visions in my head of a pudding shaped like a Dalmatian dog, white with black spots on it, and what it tasted of I had no idea.
Again and again I would ask, “what’s for pudding” and I would get the same reply “Wait and See”, or another saying, “All good things come to those that wait“.
Strange how we put our vivid hallucinations onto what people tell us. My mothers “Wait and See” created a pudding in my mind, so I conjured up a make believe exotic pudding to fit the context of the conversation, as Mrs Grice’s Spotted Dick painted another picture.
When the puddings came, they were nothing more than I had eaten before, the apple tarts, etc. What I had created in my head for “Wait and See”, was not a new pudding, but just wait a while, you will see what will be served to you. The Spotted Dick was nothing more than a traditional British suet pastry, rolled into a sausage shape, representing a dog, with dried fruits, mostly being currents, making the spots, served with custard.
Spotted Dick pudding
Today I will “Wait and See” what happens, because as I have waited over the years, I have had the exotic puddings, the baklava from the Turkish cuisine, the Ice Kacang from South East Asia and China.
The good things will come if you can just wait.
RETURN to NEW BASIL DINER article click here
I have been lucky with my work, in that it has allowed me to meet many people, cultures, and go to so many different countries, and experienced so many different things.
Way back in the 1980’s, working in Saudi Arabia for Saudi Computer Services / Texas Instruments, I was asked as Software Manager to go to the main offices of TI in Austin in Texas, USA, and the courses etc would require me to be there for three weeks.
My American counterparts, fellow colleagues were very friendly and hospitable, but at the weekends they would have finished their meetings and travel back to their families, leaving me by myself.
Nobody loved me, even then.
So, on the Friday night I flew off to Orlando to Walt Disney’s World. During the evening I planned my tour of the park, which rides I wanted to be on and experience, which rides would attract the biggest queues, choosing these first before the crowds built-up. I think I was first in the queue when the gates opened.
One of the rides I went on was It’s a Small World. You sit in a small boat, and float around a circuit.
The Walt Disney promotion says:-
“Take the legendary boat ride around the globe on this musical tour of nations. Hundreds of international dolls sing and dance to the famous “it’s a small world” medley. After it’s over, just try to get that tune out of your head.”
To this day I cannot get that tune out of my head, (click to hear), as we past dancing dolls, dressed in the traditional costumes of differing nations, singing that stupid song. Over and over again.
And it is a small world.
Yesterday I had a meeting in a small pub (public house, selling beer, drinks and food), called the Old Swan, right next to the River Thames in a small village near my home called Thames Ditton.
I am to travel to Bahrain in February, to deliver some courses for The Maker Over Experience (click to visit web site), run and owned by Dr Leila and Phil Edwards, and we were to finalize arrangements for the courses.
During the conversation, it became apparent that Leila and I had crossed paths before. It’s a small world. Maybe we did not meet face to face, but we had common associations, people and companies that we had done business or worked with.
As we swapped stories, it became apparent that our experiences with these organisations and people were similar if not the same.
We had done work for people, and despite heart rendering promises, they had failed to pay our fees, or deliver the goods they promised.
Some of the people we had worked with and for, had promoted themselves as having done this and that, having this qualification or that, having links with this person or that organisation, saying that they can do this or that, in other words, making wild promotional statements about themselves and their work.
It was after you had been pulled into their world, into the their spiders web, that you found that all the boasts, all the things they were saying, all the promises that had been made, were false.
It has become apparent to me that these sort of people can only see short term gains, they do not see the long term, also they use people for their own gain.
Sure enough, these people and organisations are no longer in business, they have in some cases gone bankrupt. Some have created new companies, new ventures, but like the dolls they sing the same song, they do the same thing. In English we have a saying that you cannot change a leopards spots.
In English we have another saying, an elephant never forgets. I cannot forget those dolls singing that song, It’s a Small World. It is strange the number of people I meet from different parts of the world who have had the same experiences with the same people.
A couple of other sayings we have in England, you get back what you give out, or what goes around, comes around.
Do not believe everything you read or see on a web site. Companies will advertise course dates that they will not run, and trainers who would not or will not consider working with that company.
Readers beware.
Categories
Expectations of Participants
Often when I am giving a course, I am asked what are they going to gain from the course and what is the content.
This request usually comes from potential participants who have some idea of the subject matter or who have attended another course from another trainer.
This is a difficult answer to give, as I do not know the standard of training nor the content of previous courses, or what the potential participants has taken in, learned, retained from a course or a book.
I try and give content, but when in the course, I find that the participants already know and are competent, there is no point in rerunning and wasting time, also, if I find that there is a subject matter which can be explained better by introducing a new concept, I will cover it, not leave it out just because it is not on the “list”.
On occasions I have had participants who have sat in the course, with a list of expected content, and ticked each element as it was covered. If it was not named explicitly, then they left cheated.
Upon noticing this list, probably obtained from other trainers or course providers, I would have to look at it and tick off for them what we had covered, renaming some of the content so that it would fulfill their needs. Perhaps the word “pilot” for example would be a subject, but on their list it was “aviator“. Different “cat on the mat“.
I noticed that these people never added on the extra content I taught to their list.
I teach pure subjects, direct from the originators, Richard Bandler, John Ginder, Paul Scheele, Tony Buzan, Win Wenger, Ormond Mcgill, Graham Alexander, NGH, etc those from whom I have learned by being with them learning directly, not from their books, not from someone else, who learned from someone else who heard it from someone else. Where required, offering a license, a certificate from the appropriate organisation, The Society of NLP, the NGH, from Learning Strategies.
What will they gain? It is up to them.
See courses offered www.nlpnow.net
It is how you interpret what your modalities give you, that the world we live in is understood.
We have seen in previous entries (click) we have five (5) senses, V,A,K,O,G, being Visual (seeing), Auditory (hearing and speech), Kinesthetic (touch, feelings, both internal and external), Olfactory (smell), and Gustatory (taste). We receive information of our around us by these five modalities.
Then we have to go on a transderivational search, go back through our past experiences, our memories, to make sense of the information that we received via the modalities V,A,K,O,G.
We put our Cat on the Mat, we Delete, Distort and Generalise as described by George Miller in his 7 +/-2 model.
This morning I awoke early and listened to my favourite radio program, BBC Radio 5 Live. It is a news, sport and information channel with little or no music, and can be listened to on the internet.
The sports reporters started talking about the UK football team Manchester United and their team manager Sir Alex Ferguson.
It is known that Sir Alex has banned the BBC from any interviews he may give, as he believes that the BBC does not like his football team Manchester United, and misreported something a longtime ago. Of course this does not stop the BBC from report what he or his team says or does, and they still report on the matches.
Recently Manchester United played a football match and the BBC sports report said something to the effect, “and “X” and “Y” player romped up to take the goal”.
Sir Alex has complained to the BBC that this is a bad comment referring to an incident over the Xmas and New Year period, where a woman accused a player of raping her at a party.
A definition for the word “romp” is given as:-
To play rudely and boisterously: to leap and frisk about in play. Webster’s Dictionary
or
An easy victory. or Run easily or fairly fast. NetWord Dictionary.
or
To win easily. or An effortless victory. Dictionary.com
So how did Sir Alex get the link to the incident involving the footballer at the party?
The word “romp” is sometimes used to describe the act of making love, if it is or was fun and enjoyable.
I can see the connection Sir Alex made, and how in his or his advisor’s minds the word “romp” could bring back the memory of the incident. It took a lot of work to follow the linkage.
In NLP we use Slight of Mouth, ambiguity, words that have two meanings, but I think in this case Sir Alex took it too far.
How often do we read into something someone says, and take a different meaning from it than that what was intended?
How often do you choose the wrong words, say the wrong things?
How often do you not give enough information so that the listener has to put their own understanding on the meaning?
How often do we jump to the wrong conclusion?