Author: nlpnow

Categories
Italian NLP

NLPNOW – Il META MODELLO – Predicati non Specificati

 English Version  Türkçe versiyonu
PREDICATA NON SPECIFICATI
Il Meta Modello guarda ai model linguistici che noi costruiamo, i quali sono costruiti livello superficiale (per recuperate le informazioni) cancellate.
Un’affermazione che manca dei Predicati descrittivi di un’azione o di una cos a.
Affermazione:-

“Sta piovendo.”

Può essere sfidata con:-

“Quanto forte sta piovendo?”

Affermazione:-

“Mi picchia.”

Può essere sfidata con:-

“Quanto forte ti picchia?”


Back to Meta Model diagram (click)

Ringraziamento speciale a Chiara Pozzoll per questa traduzione.

Categories
Italian NLP

NLPNOW – Il META MODELLO – Performativa Perduta

English Version Türkçe versiyonu

La
Performativa Perduta

Il Meta Modello (Meta Model English version) guarda
ai modelli linguistici che noi costruiamo, i quali sono costruiti al
livello
superficiale,
per recuperare le informazioni
cancellate.

Nelle
affermazioni o giudizi noi facciamo riferimenti a persone o cose o
azioni, ma la persona che fa o compie l’azione manca o non è
citata.

“Lei
mi colpisce.”

La
persona che compie l’atto di colpire è omessa.

Come
Practitioner
di PNL,
noi abbiamo bisogno di sfidare l’affermazione o recuperare
l’informazione omessa, chi compie l’azione di colpire.

“Chi
precisamente ti colpisce?” “Colpito da chi?”

Ringraziamento speciale a Chiara Pozzoll per questa traduzione.

Categories
Books Thoughts

English Electric Lightning – The Lightning Boys

It was 1967 that I was invited to the Royal Air Force base at Biggin Hill to attend the five day RAF Officer Selection, to be tested and interviewed as to my suitability to become an RAF officer.

I had always had an interest in flying machines, being taken as a small boy to the now closed RAF Fradley also known as RAF Lichfield, for their open day to watch the Hurricanes, Spitfires and Lancasters doing their displays, laying in bed listening to the propeller powered aircraft flying over my parents house at fifteen minutes past midnight every night, thinking it maybe a Royal Mail flight, flying letters from London to the north of the UK. I seem to remember a Lancaster crash into a wooded area on the on the far side of the Fradley air display, but it could be my mind playing games with me.
I was interested in the aircraft, knowing as many schoolboys did in those days the flying heroes, the fictional pilots like Biggles, the manufacturers and aircraft models and names, both military and civilian. This interest has stayed with me, noticing an old abandoned English Electric Lightning jet in a scrap metal yard next to the A1 road near Newark as I drove from one computer customer to another, sitting at the end of a runway at RAF Conningsby watching Lightnings and especially Phantom jets take off and feeling the power of their after-burners, driving passed RAF Waddington marvelling at the delta winged bomber Vulcans waiting on their pads to take to the skies trailing long black dirty exhaust fumes to perhaps deliver the UK’s nuclear bomb.
I still visit aircraft museums, seeking new knowledge, linking ideas, marvelling at the vast array of aircraft that British industry once produced, pushing the boundaries of knowledge.
English Electric Lightning P1A
English Electric P1A Lightning prototype at RAF Cosford, note air intake later to contain the radar.

English Electric Lightning P1a

Stubby Wings of Lightning P1A

English Electric ZF579 Gatwick Aircraft Museum
English Electric Lightning ZF579 Saudi Arabian Air Force
Now being restored at the Gatwick Aircraft Museum
But going back to 1967, and my potential to become an officer in the RAF, not as a pilot but as an Air Traffic Controller. The five day selection by the RAF, tested the knowledge of the applications, their health, their fitness, their IQ, their team working, and we were being tested from the start as soon as we entered Biggin Hill’s gate house.
I was allocated along with three other applicants a “Bat Man” to look after us and who showed us to our shared bedroom, to unpack and prepare ourselves for the evening meal. My room mates rather put me in my place as one was from Eaton School, one was an Air Commodores son, and another was a Prince from a Middle Eastern country. Me? I was a son of an electrician and Secondary School educated, a country yokel.
Now, I knew how to conduct myself at the dinner table, my parents had prepared me well for life, teaching me etiquette, social skills the does and don’ts, how to conduct myself in a high quality restaurant like The Ritz, how to hold a tea cup with the pointy little finger, but nothing had prepared me for so many knifes, forks and spoons at a place setting. Nothing had prepared me for so much silver wear on a table.
The next day the selection process continued, for example the medical tests, writing skills, aptitude tests, and for me in the afternoon an interview with the Camp Commander, the Chaplain, and a Senior Flying Officer.
Those whose turn it was to be interviewed waited in a small anti room, and one by one we were called in. Before I was called, my room mate from Eaton School went in, and I sat there wondering what was to come. My room mate came out white as a ghost, as if he had seen the end of the world, and this did not bode well for me. I asked him what was wrong, and he replied they asked him so many deep and difficult questions, including pointing to framed photographs of RAF aircraft hanging on the walls of the room, testing his knowledge of the RAF, and he said that he was asked what was the name of the missile hanging blow the wing of the fighter, and he did not know so they told him it was a Firestreak air to air heat seeking missile.
It soon became my turn to face the panel, and I was called into the interview room, sitting alone in the middle of the room facing the three senior RAF officers as if I was a capture spy, and they grilled me, asking deep questions, seeking out my knowledge and interest of the RAF.
Then the Chaplain pointed to a photograph hanging and asked what was the aircraft.
My heart jumped because there was only one aircraft like it in the world, the English Electric Lightning, a supersonic fighter jet, designed to intercept any incoming target, especially from the Soviet Union, as it was the height of the Cold War. With its’ polished silver metal body, short swept back stubby wings, its’ two Rolls Royce Avon jet engines mounted on top of each other making up the fuselage, and its’ conical pointed radar dome mounted in the open round air intake at the front of the aircraft.
There was no mistaking this aircraft, I was in my element.
Then he pointed to the missile hanging from the wing, and with all the confidence in the world I answered, “It is a Firestreak Air to Air heat seeking missile“. Thank you my friend from Eaton.
Today I finished reading the book by Richard Pike called the LIGHTNING BOYS, and it is a collection of stories, true tales from pilots of the English Electric Lightning aircraft, from flying virtually non stop from the UK to Singapore and the adventures along the way, to the need to constantly having to refuel midair by Victor airborne tankers. It gives insights of what the pilots did, their thoughts, their missions, and how they sometimes nearly died. It tells the tales of those involved flying the Lightning from the first test Lightnings, the P1 and P1A (see photograph above) in 1954, to the decommissioning from the RAF in 1988.
This book is highly entertaining and informative as it tells the stories of those who flew this iconic aircraft, with little or no technical details, it makes an easy read for all, the general reader and the enthusiast.
In the book it tells of an RAF Lightning pilot who as a youth wanted to join the RAF, and was invited to go to Biggin Hill to the Officer Selection along with a fellow student from his school. His school friend, he said lasted a day before being sent home. I lasted two days.
I packed my bags and caught the train back home, at a time when there were no mobile phones, in fact a time when most homes did not have their own phones, so I did not inform my parents of my impending early arrival from RAF Biggin Hill.
On reaching home, there was no-one there, but I knew where my parents would be, at my Aunty and Uncle’s house, so I went there.
Entering the house, the family were sitting around the table, and my father looked up and said. “Oh you are back, we were expecting you.“
Another lesson they taught me, to aim high, go for my dreams, but to know my limitations sometimes, and accept failure gracefully, and just because the RAF was not for me, that there would be other places, things and jobs that would be for me.

Categories
Thoughts

Time Out

It seems that we all have our problems, health, money, relationships, work, family, the list goes on and on, and the more we think of them the worse the problem becomes and the worse we feel.

Going through some health issues myself at the moment, I have not really told many people about them, I kept my aches and pains to myself and my doctor, until there came a time when I had to divulge my little secret aches and pains to those close to me and loved ones, as I was told I would have to go into hospital and would need some home support for at least twenty-four hours.
Are people really interested in my aches and pains? Not really, they have their own to dwell in and to solve.
“How are you? is a question asked of us when we meet an acquaintance.
“Oh the pain in my posterior is giving me so such problems, I can’t sleep or sit down.“

“Yes you are like the pain in my neck” the acquaintance is probably thinking to themselves, “if only I could get rid of this pain.“
In the hospital ward as I waited to be taken to the operating theatre, feeling such a fool for nearly passing out, I reflected on the other patients, and realised that they were in a far worse state than me health wise. I even got to the stage where I asked myself if I should have been in the hospital in the first place, as my symptoms were nothing compare to others.
I went through the procedure and investigation, and yes I need work done upon me, but in the meantime I have to get on with life, to get my strength up again to be ready to give my next courses and talks, to cook, to clean, to face other problems as they surface, and to be there for others to help them through their problems.
And so I found myself in another Royal Park near to where I live, Bushy Park, which lays across the road from Hampton Court the palace of Henry VIII.
Bushy Park is a large area of open land, with scatterings of woodland, inter-linked lakes fed by small rivers that will eventually flow into Hampton Court and then eventually into the River Thames. There are fenced enclosed gardens to relax in, and even a Water Garden recently renovated back to its’ original early 1700’s spender, and the whole Royal Park has a history going back perhaps 4,000 years.
It was time for me to have some time out, to go for a long walk, to get some fresh air in my lungs, to take exercise, to take in a different perspective on life.
As I walked across the wide open parkland on a crisp spring day, along well trodden pathways once taken by many others over the thousands of years, my mind emptied of all my problems as I noticed and realised that nature had been there and will be there beyond my brief visit, and that I was part of this natural vista, emerging from the winter hibernation, to sprout new leaves, to blossom, to spread and create new life ideas.
I saw the deer relaxing amongst the dead old brown bracken that was so green and lush last year, I saw people sitting having picnics, geese feeding on the green grass, I marvelled at a tree festooned with delicate pink blooms, and watched the never ending cascade of water in the Water Garden.
Deer in Bushy Park
Deer and Picnickers in Bushy Park
Tree full of blooms in Busy Park
Blooms in Busy Park
Egyptian Goose in Busy Park
The cascading Water Garden in Bushy Park
I needed that time out, to relax and reflect that even though I am now sitting at my computer typing this blog, life still goes on around me, the water still cascades in the Water Garden, the the deer will still be there in Bushy Park taking things easy, that the pink blooms will soon drop away, but will be replaced by new sights just as beautiful if only we look for them, and that my problem is just my problem and will soon be resolved, to be replaced by a better future.
I needed time out to get out of my perceived pain and problems and see the world about me, to be there for those who are worse off than me, to lend an open ear and shoulder to cry on, to help them to come to terms with and resolve their problems, their fears, for that is my job, my desire, to help others to help themselves.
Categories
Eating Out Travels

Riverside, Kingston upon Thames

Tomorrow I start my journeys again, to Kadikoy, Istanbul to give a NLP Master Practitioner course, a PhotoReading, Memory and Mind Maps course to the public and a number of companies. So today I have been catching up on arranging hospital appointments, banks, course facilities, the blog, relaxing.

I love walking, especially by the Thames River (click to see river film) in Kingston upon Thames, along the Queens Promenade, which links Kingston to Thames Ditton and Surbiton.

The number of swans, geese, ducks living on the river is amazing. How can the river support so much wildlife? Perhaps the walkers feeding them bread. (see photograph of swans in a large number).

Swans and geese being fed on the River Thames in Kingston upon ThamesHampton Court, the Royal Palace of Henry VIII. If you do not want the slow leisurely relaxing cruise, you can always walk, about an hour along the other side riverside pathway. You can catch a small ferry boat for £1, to take you across, but it seems only Saturday and Sunday, plus Bank Holidays.

Parr's Ferry at Kingston upon Thames

At the mooring of Parrs Boats and the ferry there is an old air-raid shelter that had been converted into a small refreshment bar. It has been established here for a few years, with walkers and regulars stopping by for a sandwich, a slice of homemade cake, a drink, an ice cream and friendly faces, and has been refurbished by John, an ex local policeman, full of joy, willing to join in a conversation.

Riverside Cafe on the Queens Promenade on the River Thames, Kingston upon ThamesRiverside Cafe, Quality Thames-side Refreshments, with John is still developing the area, and actively seeks ideas from his potential clients.

It is only a small walk from Kingston’s town center, but the warm welcome, the quality refreshments at a reasonable price, the chance to sit and drink a warming hot chocolate, or coffee made from locally roasted coffee beans from Coffee Bay, watching the passing walkers and boats, makes one happy to be alive.

It is good to support local businesses and to relax whilst doing so.

Categories
Uncategorized

Spring in the UK

Relaxing and recovering from my visit to the hospital, it was good to take a walk beside the River Thames in Kingston upon Thames on a sunny spring day.
Boats on the River Thames in Kingston upon Thames
Walking along the Thames Pathway, stopping for a refreshing cup of tea at the Riverside Cafe, passed boats moored on the pontoons, sailing boats enjoying the light wind, and other people taking in the clean air, my eyes caught the cherry blossom above me, freshly blooming and contrasting with the blue cloudless sky.
  
Cherry blossom on the Thames Pathway Kingston upon Thames
It’s good to be alive among the wonders of the world, large and small, and yet realise how fragile and short life is.
Let us all enjoy the day, for we do not know what tomorrow will bring.
Categories
Italian NLP

NLPNOW – Il Meta Modello

English Version   Türkçe versiyonu


Noi parliamo alle persone, comunichiamo, usando parole, gesti, movimenti del corpo, movimenti degli occhi, tonalità; è il modo in cui ci capiamo l’un l’altro, trasmettiamo e acquisiamo le informazioni. È’ una completa esperienza del corpo. Usiamo il linguaggio per esprimere i nostri pensieri e le nostre esperienze.

Abbiamo visto nell’articolo “NLPNOW – La Mappa non è il Territorio” il modello di acquisizione delle informazioni di George Miller 7 +/- 2 e nell’articolo “NLP Now – Struttura Superficiale Struttura Profonda” che la mente umana cancella, distorce e generalizza le informazioni, mentre assorbiamo o introduciamo informazioni e mentre comunichiamo i nostri pensieri ed esperienze alle altre persone.

Surface Structure =’s Struttura superficiale

Deep Structure =’s Struttura profonda

Sono state le osservazioni e gli apprendimenti di Richard Bandler e John Grinder, i co-fondatori della PNL, da Milton H Erickson, Virginia Satir e altri, che li aiutarono a comprendere il linguaggio, le regole che usiamo, la grammatica linguistica e transformazionale, che generarono il Meta Modello e portarono al libro del 1975 “La Struttura della Magia”.

Il Meta Modello ci dà la struttura per notare cosa manca dalla nostra comprensione del mondo o da quella delle altre persone e ci dà le domande che aiutano noi o loro a recuperare queste informazioni mancanti. 

Quando vediamo qualcosa (V – visivo), ci sono miliardi di pezzi di informazioni che ci bombardano in ogni momento. Leggendo questo articolo, ci sono le parole sullo schermo o sul foglio se hai stampato l’articolo. Ugualmente le parole che hai già letto, le parole che ancora devi leggere, l’area intorno all’articolo, i muri della stanza, il pavimento, il soffitto, i colori, tutti gli elementi sul tavolo; questi stanno ancora venendo assorbiti nel tuo cervello, sebbene tu non ti renda consapevolmente conto di tutte queste cose.

Tu cancelli queste cose dalla tua consapevolezza.

Mentre stai leggendo questo articolo, ci sono suoni (A- auditivo) intorno, forse suoni di macchine, traffico, il suono del frigorifero in cucina, i suoni dell’orologio. Molti di questi suoni sono cancellati dalla nostra consapevolezza, sebbene vengano assorbiti all’interno della nostra mente.

Ci sono odori (O – olfattivo) nella stanza o nello spazio che stai occupando, forse la cera che qualcuno usa per pulire, forse il profumo del pranzo che viene cucinato. Tu non sei consapevole di questi finché non vengono citati.

I sapori (G – gustativo) nella tua bocca, finché io non li ho citati, forse non ne eri consapevole.

Ugualmente per i tuoi piedi sul pavimento (K – cinestetico). Finché io non ho citato la sensazione, uno supporrebbe che non ci sia alcuna conoscenza consapevole di ciò. I capelli sulla tua testa. Sei ora consapevole dei capelli?

Noi cancelliamo molte informazioni o dettagli mentre acquisiamo informazioni. Sebbene a un livello non consapevole queste informazioni vengano assorbite, il nostro mondo consapevole è privato di queste informazioni.

Il lavoro di un Practitioner di PNL è aiutare i clienti ad arricchire il loro mondo con queste informazioni mancanti, ad andare alla struttura profonda, a fare un chunk down per acquisire conoscenza e comprensione. Questo sarebbe necessario e appropriato.

Quando una persona o un cliente comunicano informazioni, loro (e noi) cancellano anche informazioni. Per esempio:-

“Colin ha letto un libro.”

Ci sono molte informazioni mancanti: quale Colin, dove ha letto il libro, che libro ha letto, quanto velocemente ha letto, lui ha Fotoletto il libro?

Ancora, il lavoro di un Practitioner di PNL è acquisire o recuperare queste informazioni cosicché noi o il cliente abbiamo una migliore comprensione di cosa viene detto.

Quando il cliente o noi riceviamo queste informazioni, dobbiamo andare in una Ricerca Transderivazionale, andare nelle nostre esperienze passate per dare un senso, per avere una comprensione di cosa è stato detto; e spesso distorciamo questa informazione originale per far quadrare il nostro mondo, la nostra comprensione.

Considera l’affermazione seguente:

“Lei mi ha colpito.”

Che cosa capisci? Tu raggiungi una comprensione di cosa si voglia dire con questa affermazione.

La comprensione che ne risulta probabilmente diventa la verità per come tu la comprendi; noi quindi generalizziamo questa convinzione come fosse la verità, e non lo è, poiché ci sono molte informazioni mancanti, come quanto forte lei mi ha colpito, con cosa mi ha colpito e dove mi ha colpito.

Usando il Meta Modello, noi possiamo fare un chunk down, andiamo nella struttura profonda, recuperiamo le informazioni mancanti per ottenere un’immagine piena, una piena comprensione.

Articoli che indagano i modelli linguistici usati nel Meta Modello. Clicca qui.


Ringraziamento speciale a Chiara Pozzoll per questa traduzione.

Categories
Culture Eating Out NLP Phobias Thoughts

The Roundabout of Life, is it Towards or Away?

Today I watched a donkey working at a watermill, it was just walking round and round in a circle, attached by a harness to a beam, which was in turn attached to some simple gearing system that operated a pump, pumping water from a well to irrigate the farmers fields and crops.

For hours on end, the donkey walked this never ending circuit, like the second hand of a clock, forever passing the same number 12 at the top of the hour, time and time again, forever moving but getting nowhere, and like that second hand of the clock just showing the passing of time, getting nowhere.

The donkey was like that hamster or mouse on its’ wheel in a cage, spinning round and round and getting nowhere, but at least the donkey was pumping water, whereas the hamster or mouse is expending energy turning the wheel for the gratification of the animal’s owner. Like riding a roundabout in the fairground, getting nowhere.
I see many people on a similar wheel, roundabout or treadmill, doing the same thing time and time again as they progress through the short lifetime we have on this earth, never progressing, never learning new concepts and ideas, never learning from the mistakes they make, never experiencing new things and seeing the beauty that life can give. 
They are passing their time, never getting anywhere.
Perhaps they are trapped in a relationship, in a family situation, in an employment that restricts their future, or in a culture that is very restrictive, never open to new ideas to other peoples points of view, much like a lion in a zoo cage will have nothing to do but to walk round and round in their little world of understanding, forever in frustration and depression, following the same endless pathway they have made in that small world or enclosure.
As I look about me, I see people not only travelling the same pathway they have had inflicted by others upon them, or have placed upon themselves, but they are also being led, like that donkey, by a carrot hanging infront of his nose. Always that carrot is a small distance away, just out of reach, they are hoping that that tasty carrot will be theirs, that their never ending treadmill will lead to that Utopia one day, hoping that they will reach their Xanadu, their dream led by the Muse Kira, (the Greek mythical Muse’s real name was Clio, one of nine sisters, Kira being the assumed name), the daughter of the Greek God Zeus, or as in the poem of the same name, Xanadu, by Samuel Taylor Coleridge, leading to the pleasure garden which Kubla Khan created in the Chinese province in China.

These people are being lead by ideals, promises, dreams, often created by others, like tales of the streets of big cities being paved with gold, where riches can be anyones, just by the taking, but often, just as they are about to reach their dream, it is taken away from them by those that created them, the chance of a kiss by a beautiful princess only to find that it is to be that donkey’s backside.
Sometimes I notice the farmer was walking behind the donkey as it worked that water mill, round and round that never ending circle, and the farmer held a stick in his hand with which he occasionally tapped the donkey’s rump, just enough to inflict a little pain, which spurred the donkey on, and as it is like most animals and humans, they do not like pain.
We are not only driven by dreams, but sometimes we are also driven by avoidance, to move away from something, some place, some issue, as when people experience fears or phobias. The easiest way to stop a phobia or fear people often find, is to avoid the experience which causes the phobia, to avoid that place where a spider or snake could be, not to enter that high building or walk across that bridge. Experience has shown though, that by avoiding the fear or phobia, it only re-enforces them making them worse.
In the past I had a client who had a phobia of tunnels, especially those where the exit could not be seen when entering perhaps because there was a bend in the middle, or it was very long. This lady’s train station had such a tunnel, and to get to the other side of the station from where she lived she would travel a very long distance to avoid using the tunnel. Participants on my courses will have heard of this lady, and I forgot to tell them that after seeing me that once, she overcame her phobia.
To avoid pain and hurt may not necessarily be negative as some people presuppose, thinking that such a person is always negative, never a “go getter”, but avoidance can often lead to a positive outcomes or results.
Many rich people have the fear of living in poverty, not to have the flash car, not to go on that exotic holiday, not to be recognised as someone of high standing, not to be loved. These people are driven by the negative outcomes, the pain of not being rich, and strive to create the wealth, the business, to get the qualifications to bring the knowledge of how to achieve those riches.
Perhaps it is the fear of being left alone, not to have a relationship, that drives people to become over friendly, to draw others into a relationship with them, only to find that the person they are left with is not the person they had expected as a life partner, but then when deciding to leave that relationship, they hurt the ones who had been drawn in by the carrot.  
Others choose to enter situations, relationships for the pure pleasure of a negative outcome.
As a small child, I am sure you remember when you lost your first teeth, the Milk Teeth as they are known in the UK? Did you put the tooth under your pillow when you went to bed for the fairies to take and leave a sum of money?
They became wobbly, loose, as the new tooth pushed up from beneath. I remember using my tongue or my fingers to move the tooth backwards and forwards, only stopping pushing or pulling when I felt that twinge of pain, but somehow I enjoyed that little pain, I was reassured that soon the fairies would be visiting, and I became addicted to moving the tooth until I got the pain, pushing the limits and the boundaries.
I observe people who have injured themselves, and keep touching the area just to make sure the injury is still there I am sure to experience that little twinge of pain.
I see many people who come to me for help, and insist on telling me how ill they are, how “no-body loves them“, how depressed they are, they take great joy and satisfaction from re-experiencing their pain and sorrow.
I watch the joggers, panting, sweating, red in the face, as they push themselves imagining they are on yet another London Marathon race. I look into the windows of the myriad of gym clubs around he world, and see people rowing imaginary boats, running down imaginary roads on the treadmills, getting nowhere like the donkey, yet pushing for better times, longer imaginary distances covered.
I had a friend Richard, who was/is a fitness fanatic. Every lunchtime he was in the gym, every night he was in the gym after his hour long run or swim, every morning he would arrive at his desk wearing his tight lycra cycle racing outfit, beads of sweat forming on his forehead and dripping from the end of his nose, his eyes bulging through the extreme energy he had exerted ridding his bike to work, imagining he was wearing the Yellow Shirt on the Tour de France. 
Why did Richard and other put themselves through such pain and suffering?
Some say it is to become fitter, healthier. But, when I asked Richard what happens when he does not go to the gym, does not cycle to work, he said he feels bad, that he just has to, to feel good. Research has shown that excessive exercise places the body under stress, and the body responds by producing the addictive substances called beta-endorphins.
So, the pain, the physical stress in the body makes the pituitary gland secrete the hormones of endorphins which are chemically related to Morphine. The name “endorphin” is often referred to as “endogenous morphine“, a chemical that binds to certain receptors in the brain, and act as a pain killer and become highly addictive, also known to reduce the appetite, decrease depression and anxiety, giving that feeling of euphoria.
It is no wonder some people are drawn towards pain and suffering and become addicted to such acts, as when the body experiences that stress or pain, chemicals are released to give them a high.
Yet others are drawn to pain because it draws attention to them from others. In extreme cases, people will mutilate themselves by cutting themselves, pulling their hair out. These cases are wide ranging and have multiple causes not to be discussed here, but in some cases it is what is called a “cry for help“, they want attention. We often tell our family, friends and colleagues what a terrible time we have had, bringing back, reliving the experiences only to bring that pain back, for to relive, to talk about, to think about something, we will have to experience the pain again.
So we are all driven towards something, a reward, a pleasure, a new car or dress, a visit to the theatre, or we are driven away from something, to avoid a dislike, pain, discomfort, certain food, a person or place.
In NLP terms (see the NLP Glossary click) there are the Towards People and there are the Away People.
When reading some books on NLP on the subject of Towards and Away People, the author says that a person is either one or the other. When teaching the subject, I will explain the concept, and ask for a show of hands who are Towards and who are Away, and too many people categorise themselves as only one or the other, because that is what they have been told and so believe.
When you analyse a person, ask them questions, and you will ascertain in one situation they will be Towards, yet in another they will be an Away from person.
For me and food, if you mention chocolate cake or ice cream and the chances of eating some, I would do anything for you, I would be your slave, I would sing a song for you, yet the mention of a fish meal would find me making all the excuses I could not to sit down with you.  
For chocolate cake and ice cream I am a Towards person, fish and Away from person.

Yet, if we take about fish in another context, I am Towards person. As a Master Scuba Diver, I have had over 600 dives around the world and have swam with some amazing fish, some dangerous like the Stone Fish and some humorous like the Clown Fish. (click her to see more underwater photographs)

A Stone Fish taken in the Red Sea off Jeddah, Saudi Arabia    Clown Fish taken in the Red Sea off Jeddah, Saudi Arabia

A Stone Fish or Scorpion Fish and a Clown Fish taken in the Red Sea off Jeddah, Saudi Arabia
if you cannot see the Stone Fish click here

Some people will draw others into their world by promising dreams, ideas, Towards, other people will drive people along by planting thoughts of suffering if they do or do not do something, Away.
Be aware of how we are influenced by others and how we influence others. Be aware of that carrot being dangled in front of you, or that stick prodding you onwards.
Categories
Thoughts

One up, All up

Whilst watching people as I usually do, my mind went back to my Mother.

Sitting here, waiting in an airport lounge for my flight to be called, I watched a small family group trying to amuse themselves, to help time pass by. As seems to be the norm these days, electronic games play a large part in keeping the human race amused, although there are book shops to be found, I hardly see people with their noses stuck into a good book, for even real paper books are being replaced by electronic aids.
Each member of the family had their own gadget, each pulling faces as they won or lost a point, each moving their body in-tune with the movement of the game.
The mother must have finished her game, for she switched it off, put it away, and started talking to the father who was extremely unhappy by his wife’s interruption.
The two children were clearly oblivious to the interaction between the mother and father, as they were to the world passing them by, an assortment of human life, passengers flying here and there.
It was then the turn of the children to have the attention of the mother. At first they ignored their mother’s words, their minds and fingers were fighting aliens in the far reaches of space, but her foghorn of a voice and a not so gentle tap no their legs got their attention, with an “Oh Mom, I was winning that game.“
You see, mother was hungry, and wanted to stock-up with sweets and snacks for the flight, and now was the time for her to go to the food retail outlets, which now vie for our money, to make our flying experience something to be remembered, to make extra money for the airport operators, for us to buy something we never knew we wanted, like that book that will end up with the rest of the books to be read some other time.
With reluctance, the father and the two children packed their electronics away, and followed mother to buy the snacks, dragging their feet, mumbling under their voices, for they were in the now, still fighting the aliens, not thinking about the future hunger pangs that the mother was totally aware could overcome them all on that flight of fantasy.
It was then I remembered my own Mother when I lived at home. In the morning, when she got up out of bed, so I was expected to be also awake and out of bed. I longed as a teenager who needed more sleep than adults, sleep that stretched until midday, that Mother would have a lie in, to sleep beyond her usual 8am wake-up.
Why was it that when Mother was awake, Phillip had to be awake, when she was up, everyone had to be up, but it was alright for Phillip to be asleep stinking in bed, whilst Mother was asleep, even if she slept to midday?
I was recently retraining my computing skills using the mouse on the computer, playing a game of Solitaire, (that is my excuse for playing the card game, retraining), and I noticed a member of our group was getting quite upset by my activity. “Why was I not interacting with the group?” Yet, not a few hours previously, the whole group was watching a soap-opera on the TV, a TV show I had never seen before and knew nothing about, plus, it was in a language I do not speak, leaving me alone and unwanted.
Why is it that when we are awake, everyone should be up and about, but when we are asleep, everyone should be asleep?
Why is it that when we want to do something, then everyone else should want to do it now with us?
Why is it that when we believe something, then everyone else should believe the same thing?
I have learnt that sometimes just because I want something, to do something, to be somewhere, to understand something to be this way or that way, that sometime I have to keep quiet, to not express my thoughts, my want and needs, to understand that others see the world differently to me, and have different needs, to have a different time scale to me.
What I do not understand, is why people do not see it my way, to understand me and do what I want to do now?
Oh life is Poo Poo. I can not win.
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Is this the real Phillip Holt

Is this really me, the real Phillip Holt?
Do I really look like that?
Phillip Holt, International Trainer, Speaker and Coach
Is this as others see me?
In my head, when I am training, out on stage, or just being me walking around the shops, I do not conceive myself looking like that. In my head my body looks nothing like the above, it is as it was when I was eighteen.
I a recent NLP Practitioner course held in Italy with Coach4Life, there were lots of photographs taken, and when I was shown them, I could not believe my eyes. Surely I do not look like that? Surely I do not act like that?
In Turkey I have often been accompanied by perhaps a young lady translator, and after a hard days working together delivering a course, to go for an evening meal. On the way to the restaurant as we walk past a shop window, I catch sight of the two of us, and it becomes a shock, because there I see a young woman walking next to a “95” year old man. Yet in my head as we are walking together I feel as one, the same age.
In the NLP Practitioner I teach the subjects of The Cat on the Mat and Perceptual Positions.
The Cat on the Mat teaches us to realise that what we take as the truth or reality, is seen in a different way by another person, each and everyone of us have different beliefs, even of the same subject matter. Just look at religions.
With the subject of Perceptual Positions, we learn to see ourselves as others see us, and to many participants or clients I have, it becomes a shock to look at themselves as if through another’s eyes. 
To hear ourselves as others hear us is most peculiar, our voices does not sound the same as the sound waves we hear in our ears are not carried by the air around us, but by the bone structure and skin between our voice box and ear drums.
It is not only the sounds we make as we speak that are completely different from our own ears to those of our listeners, but it is what we say, the content, which is often different to what is received and understood by the listeners to what we meant to say, as with the tonality of how we say our words.
It is when we can step outside our own shoes and look back at ourselves and hear ourselves as others see and hear us, that we may find we need to change our ways.
It could be a parent who treats their offspring as a child, but in reality that “child” is an adult in their twenties.
It could be that a parent wants their child to be of a certain character type, to dress in a certain way, to behave in a particular way, yet that child is different to what the parent expects. This problem arises when a young person realises that they like the same sex partners, and dress and act in their parent’s eyes inappropriately.
It could be that the parent disapproves of the boyfriend or girlfriend, but the two potential partners are hopelessly in-love, enough to get married. The parent only sees the boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife with distaste and ruins their child’s life as well as their own. 
It could be that two partners see the world in a different way to each other, leading to arguments, disagreements and fights.
It is when we see ourselves from another’s perspective or point of view, that we can often see how wrong we could have been, that actually we should change our ways. 
By stepping outside our shoes, as if looking back upon ourselves, we can often see how much harm we have done, how much distress we have caused to others. Or, perhaps, how much good we have done, yet had not perceived it.
So, looking at the photographs from the recent courses I gave, the images were not of me as I perceived myself, yet, the role plays I create, the tonally and words I use, the way I give information, the games I play, the stories I tell, all combine to take the participants on a journey of learning with fun and laughter, in an easy and quick way.
Would I change the way I am?
Perhaps, perhaps not. I am what I am, so accept it.