NLPNOW – Il Meta Modello

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English Version   Türkçe versiyonu

Noi parliamo alle persone, comunichiamo, usando parole, gesti, movimenti del corpo, movimenti degli occhi, tonalità; è il modo in cui ci capiamo l’un l’altro, trasmettiamo e acquisiamo le informazioni. È’ una completa esperienza del corpo. Usiamo il linguaggio per esprimere i nostri pensieri e le nostre esperienze.

Abbiamo visto nell’articolo “NLPNOW – La Mappa non è il Territorio” il modello di acquisizione delle informazioni di George Miller 7 +/- 2 e nell’articolo “NLP Now – Struttura Superficiale Struttura Profonda” che la mente umana cancella, distorce e generalizza le informazioni, mentre assorbiamo o introduciamo informazioni e mentre comunichiamo i nostri pensieri ed esperienze alle altre persone.

Surface Structure =’s Struttura superficiale

Deep Structure =’s Struttura profonda

Sono state le osservazioni e gli apprendimenti di Richard Bandler e John Grinder, i co-fondatori della PNL, da Milton H Erickson, Virginia Satir e altri, che li aiutarono a comprendere il linguaggio, le regole che usiamo, la grammatica linguistica e transformazionale, che generarono il Meta Modello e portarono al libro del 1975 “La Struttura della Magia”.

Il Meta Modello ci dà la struttura per notare cosa manca dalla nostra comprensione del mondo o da quella delle altre persone e ci dà le domande che aiutano noi o loro a recuperare queste informazioni mancanti. 

Quando vediamo qualcosa (V – visivo), ci sono miliardi di pezzi di informazioni che ci bombardano in ogni momento. Leggendo questo articolo, ci sono le parole sullo schermo o sul foglio se hai stampato l’articolo. Ugualmente le parole che hai già letto, le parole che ancora devi leggere, l’area intorno all’articolo, i muri della stanza, il pavimento, il soffitto, i colori, tutti gli elementi sul tavolo; questi stanno ancora venendo assorbiti nel tuo cervello, sebbene tu non ti renda consapevolmente conto di tutte queste cose.

Tu cancelli queste cose dalla tua consapevolezza.

Mentre stai leggendo questo articolo, ci sono suoni (A- auditivo) intorno, forse suoni di macchine, traffico, il suono del frigorifero in cucina, i suoni dell’orologio. Molti di questi suoni sono cancellati dalla nostra consapevolezza, sebbene vengano assorbiti all’interno della nostra mente.

Ci sono odori (O – olfattivo) nella stanza o nello spazio che stai occupando, forse la cera che qualcuno usa per pulire, forse il profumo del pranzo che viene cucinato. Tu non sei consapevole di questi finché non vengono citati.

I sapori (G – gustativo) nella tua bocca, finché io non li ho citati, forse non ne eri consapevole.

Ugualmente per i tuoi piedi sul pavimento (K – cinestetico). Finché io non ho citato la sensazione, uno supporrebbe che non ci sia alcuna conoscenza consapevole di ciò. I capelli sulla tua testa. Sei ora consapevole dei capelli?

Noi cancelliamo molte informazioni o dettagli mentre acquisiamo informazioni. Sebbene a un livello non consapevole queste informazioni vengano assorbite, il nostro mondo consapevole è privato di queste informazioni.

Il lavoro di un Practitioner di PNL è aiutare i clienti ad arricchire il loro mondo con queste informazioni mancanti, ad andare alla struttura profonda, a fare un chunk down per acquisire conoscenza e comprensione. Questo sarebbe necessario e appropriato.

Quando una persona o un cliente comunicano informazioni, loro (e noi) cancellano anche informazioni. Per esempio:-

Colin ha letto un libro.

Ci sono molte informazioni mancanti: quale Colin, dove ha letto il libro, che libro ha letto, quanto velocemente ha letto, lui ha Fotoletto il libro?

Ancora, il lavoro di un Practitioner di PNL è acquisire o recuperare queste informazioni cosicché noi o il cliente abbiamo una migliore comprensione di cosa viene detto.

Quando il cliente o noi riceviamo queste informazioni, dobbiamo andare in una Ricerca Transderivazionale, andare nelle nostre esperienze passate per dare un senso, per avere una comprensione di cosa è stato detto; e spesso distorciamo questa informazione originale per far quadrare il nostro mondo, la nostra comprensione.

Considera l’affermazione seguente:

Lei mi ha colpito.

Che cosa capisci? Tu raggiungi una comprensione di cosa si voglia dire con questa affermazione.

La comprensione che ne risulta probabilmente diventa la verità per come tu la comprendi; noi quindi generalizziamo questa convinzione come fosse la verità, e non lo è, poiché ci sono molte informazioni mancanti, come quanto forte lei mi ha colpito, con cosa mi ha colpito e dove mi ha colpito.

Usando il Meta Modello, noi possiamo fare un chunk down, andiamo nella struttura profonda, recuperiamo le informazioni mancanti per ottenere un’immagine piena, una piena comprensione.

Articoli che indagano i modelli linguistici usati nel Meta Modello. Clicca qui.

Ringraziamento speciale a Chiara Pozzoll per questa traduzione.

Passing Out at Sight of Blood

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I am not a wimp, a weak person, but over the last week I have had two experiences which made me feel that way, to feel an idiot.

A few days ago, I was preparing some food for a meal and I pricked my little finger with a sharp knife, and as you will see from the mark on the end of my little finger, it was minor.
Phillip Holt's little finger with a little cut
A little cut on my finger
A little bead of blood appeared, but no problem, wash it away and continue (yes with caution not to contaminate the food) with preparing the food.
Within a few moments, I felt my head going light, the room beginning to spin.
I had to sit down.
The blood drained from my face, my lips and face turned grey, and I broke out into a cold sweat, as my blood pressure dropped.
I lay down with my feet higher than my head to get the blood flow back into my head.
There was nothing I could do to stop this irrational reaction to that small little cut. I am not afraid of blood, I can watch operations on TV, I have blood drawn at the doctors and hospitals for tests without problems, but why, oh why, is this happening to me?
Two days ago I was in hospital to undergo a procedure called an angiogram, and internal investigation of my heart. It is the second one I have had, so I know what is going to happen, and was quite prepared for it, and had little or no stress. As I waited to be registered at 7:30am, waiting with another gentleman, I was reassuring him, smiling, joking, putting him at ease.
They needed a blood sample from me, and the ward sister came along with the tools of her trade, telling me she would put a cannula into my arm, so that she could drain some blood for testing, and that the cannula would stay there during the procedure just incase they needed to give me some medication.
As I sat in a chair next to the hospital bed, waiting for her to start, I told her of my experiences of nearly passing out, just to warn her, and that the last time they did this I had a reaction.
She laughed at me, asking if I was OK, which I was. I felt fine. I did not look at her putting the cannula into my arm, and was laughing and joking with her.
Then it hit me.
My head began to swim, I broke out into that cold sweat, turning grey, and the ward sister called for help. I was lain down on the bed, feet higher, just like the last time.
I felt like an idiot, a wimp. I was out of control of my own body. I tried everything I teach in my courses to relax myself, I tried Fred, Antonio, Mustafa, deep breathing, relaxing, nothing I could do would relieve the situation. The irrational behaviour had to run its’ course.
Why do 10% – 20% of the population experience passing out at the sight of blood?
There is a theory that this physiological response is genetic, inherited from our parents. But I remember my father having many an injury without any ill effects, and on occasions my mother cutting herself with reacting. And, where would a woman be if every month she had this reaction?
Another theory says that the reaction to the sight of blood stems from our far distance past, from our cave man days, becoming an evolutionary outcome. This theory says that when under attack, the defender would faint, falling to the ground pretending death, the blood would drain away from the face, looking like a dead body, thus the attacker would cease the attack.
This fainting strategy, could also help stem the flow of blood to an injured part, thus reducing blood loss, increasing the survival rate.
When the danger had passed, the person could get on with their life, producing offspring which would be passed-on to the next generation, producing a survival gene.
Some other theories say it is a phobia, and irrational response to a situation, the sight of blood, a learnt experience. If this is so, then I should be able to deal with it as I do with other clients in a couple of seconds.
But no.
Oh Poo Poo, I hope I can get rid of it before my next visit to hospital in the next few weeks for an angioplasty, to have a couple of stents placed in my dear old heart.

It is like a Summer’s Day in Brighton

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This week will not be a great week for me personally, I have a couple of health issues which need resolve, so to find that the weather here in the UK is just like summer, and it is still only March, what better way is there to enjoy the present day and make the best of what the world has to give me.

With not a cloud in the sky, a trip to Brighton was called for. In less than two hours I could be by the sea, a place that I find invigorating, relaxing, empowering and enjoyable, just two train journeys, rather than driving down in my RX7, spending money on petrol, parking fees and the chance of endless traffic jams. Unknown to me, there were problems on the train network, which meant catching three trains, and wasted time waiting on station platforms for delayed trains.

Take a deep breath in, close my eyes, and RELAX.
At last the train arrived in Brighton, and on exiting the station, there infront of me, down the long road from the station to the seafront, the shimmering sea could be seen, and strange feeling of boyhood joy overcame me, I wanted to jump for joy, and I set out on what seemed a never ending walk, past shops and restaurants that had little interest for me. I wanted to be by the sea.
I was amazed at the number of people that were on the pebbled beach, sunning themselves, just relaxing. Perhaps they were some of the many foreign students that seem to go to Brighton to learn English, or unemployed or retired people, or people just like me, wanting to rejuvenate themselves?
Just walking up and down the promenade and beside the beach, just being there, being part of humanity brought me back to normality.
Brighton seafront and the Brighton Pier, March 2012
Brighton seafront and the Brighton Pier, March 2012
A walk down the Brighton Pier, one of the long jetties running out into the sea in the UK, which often have theatres, restaurants and amusement arcades on them, where people walk along, sometimes stopping to relax in a deck chair, perhaps imagining that they are sitting on an ocean liner sailing the seven seas on a cruise, gave me the chance to breath fresh air into my lungs.
I availed the amusement arcades, because I was hungry, and where better to go and have the traditional British meal of fish-n-chips than on Brighton Pier
Great British food, Fish n Chips
Great British food, Fish n Chips
I have not had fish and chips for many months, and although it was pointed out to me that deep fat fried for is bad for the health, it was also said that once in a while was OK. So why not, I may not be here next week, and after all, fish is good for you.
Why is it that everything I do not like is always good for me?
My mother always used to tell me to eat the vegetables as it would make my hair curl, or eat the bread and butter as it would make me grow into a big strong boy?
My hair is still straight, and yes I have grown into a big boy, but that is because I have eaten too much bread and butter and that has left me overweight.
So much for believing everything my mother told me as being true, including Santa Claus. coming down the chimney on Christmas Day, and the tooth fairy leaving me money under my pillow after I lost a tooth.
What a glorious day out. Now I can face what the week is going to throw at me.

Guest Judge at Speaking Competition

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At the end of the evening, it was a privilege to be asked as one of the judges of the Inter-House Public Speaking Competition at the Richard Challoner School in New Malden, Surrey, to present the awards and give the summing-up speech.

Along with two other judges, I witnessed the very high standard of presentations, coached by their teachers and especially Tanya Cheema, with talks entitled from “Why I Didn’t Have Time to Write a Speech“, to “Blood, Oil and Captain Hook“.
Although the speakers were allowed only 2.5 minutes, with penalty points if they were outside this time, the content was well researched, the talks’ structure was well defined, and the delivery was superb and articulate.
I remember as a young boy many many years ago being asked to join the Lichfield Cycling Proficiency Committee, and then being entered into a Public Speaking competition. That single experience had prepared me for the work I do now, giving talks, speeches and courses all over the world.
The evenings competition at the Richard Challoner School and the Youth Speaks Competition run by Kingston upon Thames Rotary Clubwill stand the boys in good stead in later life, giving them confidence, boosting self esteem, and preparing them for being able to present and debate in their future education, business and private life.

Tortoise, Turtle or Terrapin

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As a small boy, I had many pet animals, a budgerigar, a guinea pig, a dog and a tortoise, each of them still holding a fond spot in my memory, the budgie sitting on my finger its’ claws holding tight, the big black bulging eyes of the guinea pig, my dog racing up to me with such excitement after we went to pick him up from a weeks stay in a kennel and he pee’d up my leg, to the hard shell of the unfriendly just give me food tortoise.
There have been animals in my life through friends, the media, TV, films etc, Lassie the sheepdog, Kaa the hypnotic snake in Jungle Book, Skippy the Bush Kangaroo, Flipper the dolphin, and then the Ninja Turtles.
Many of my friends had pets, one in particular had a terrapin who I called Fred. Even though Fred showed no friendliness to humans, I had a soft spot for him, arranging for him to have a larger home with a little plastic palm tree and in which we added a “beach” of pebbles so he could, if he wished, pull himself out of the water. 
I was a little too old to get caught-up with all the hype and commercialism of the Ninja Turtles, but my mind certainly went back to the children’s cartoon TV series as I stood on a beach in the Galápagos Islands observing the tracks of the turtles as they made their way from the Pacific Ocean to lay their eggs.
Also on the Galapagos Islands I visited the giant tortoises, seeing Lonesome George, (click to see picturesthe last male specimen of his breed, or so it may seem, as researchers are trying to find him a mate.
It was visiting a friends’ and colleagues home in Italy with anticipation, as he had told me he had two turtles. I expected that in his back garden there would be a ornamental pond, very much like the Kek Lok Si, Goddess of Mercy Temple, in Penang Malaysia, which has the Liberation Pond full of turtles.
It was then that I started to wonder, what is the difference between a tortoise, a turtle and a terrapin? What environments do each live in.
The biggest differences between the three is the environments they live in. Essentially a tortoise is a land dwelling reptile, a turtle is a sea water, ocean dwelling reptile, whereas a terrapin is a freshwater or brackish water (river estuary) dwelling reptile. Although in many countries there is no distinction made between the three species, they are all referred to as turtles, or testudines, or chelonian, which the latter is often used by veterinarians and scientists. In Spain for example they use the word “tortuga” for all three, but add-on the the descriptive word of “terrestre” for tortoise, “marina” for turtles and “de rio” for terrapins.
Another distinction can be found in their feet. Tortoise have short stubby legs whereas, turtles and terrapins will have webbed feet, with ocean going turtles having developed flippers to propel themselves through the water.
For the northern hemisphere countries where tortoises are not a native animal or reptile, they are a protected animal, and only held as pets, but in hotter counties it is common to see wild tortoises roaming the countryside. It came as quite a shock to me the first time I saw a wild tortoise in Gaziantep and Antalya (Turkey).
So recently I saw the tortoise in the photograph below roaming my back garden in Bukit Mertajam, Malaysia. I have never seen a tortoise with markings on its’ head, two yellow stripes. 
Can anyone tell me the breed of tortoise please?
Malaysian tortoise
What breed of Malaysian tortoise is this please?

The Roundabout of Life, is it Towards or Away?

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Today I watched a donkey working at a watermill, it was just walking round and round in a circle, attached by a harness to a beam, which was in turn attached to some simple gearing system that operated a pump, pumping water from a well to irrigate the farmers fields and crops.

For hours on end, the donkey walked this never ending circuit, like the second hand of a clock, forever passing the same number 12 at the top of the hour, time and time again, forever moving but getting nowhere, and like that second hand of the clock just showing the passing of time, getting nowhere.

The donkey was like that hamster or mouse on its’ wheel in a cage, spinning round and round and getting nowhere, but at least the donkey was pumping water, whereas the hamster or mouse is expending energy turning the wheel for the gratification of the animal’s owner. Like riding a roundabout in the fairground, getting nowhere.
I see many people on a similar wheel, roundabout or treadmill, doing the same thing time and time again as they progress through the short lifetime we have on this earth, never progressing, never learning new concepts and ideas, never learning from the mistakes they make, never experiencing new things and seeing the beauty that life can give. 
They are passing their time, never getting anywhere.
Perhaps they are trapped in a relationship, in a family situation, in an employment that restricts their future, or in a culture that is very restrictive, never open to new ideas to other peoples points of view, much like a lion in a zoo cage will have nothing to do but to walk round and round in their little world of understanding, forever in frustration and depression, following the same endless pathway they have made in that small world or enclosure.
As I look about me, I see people not only travelling the same pathway they have had inflicted by others upon them, or have placed upon themselves, but they are also being led, like that donkey, by a carrot hanging infront of his nose. Always that carrot is a small distance away, just out of reach, they are hoping that that tasty carrot will be theirs, that their never ending treadmill will lead to that Utopia one day, hoping that they will reach their Xanadu, their dream led by the Muse Kira, (the Greek mythical Muse’s real name was Clio, one of nine sisters, Kira being the assumed name), the daughter of the Greek God Zeus, or as in the poem of the same name, Xanadu, by Samuel Taylor Coleridge, leading to the pleasure garden which Kubla Khan created in the Chinese province in China.

These people are being lead by ideals, promises, dreams, often created by others, like tales of the streets of big cities being paved with gold, where riches can be anyones, just by the taking, but often, just as they are about to reach their dream, it is taken away from them by those that created them, the chance of a kiss by a beautiful princess only to find that it is to be that donkey’s backside.
Sometimes I notice the farmer was walking behind the donkey as it worked that water mill, round and round that never ending circle, and the farmer held a stick in his hand with which he occasionally tapped the donkey’s rump, just enough to inflict a little pain, which spurred the donkey on, and as it is like most animals and humans, they do not like pain.
We are not only driven by dreams, but sometimes we are also driven by avoidance, to move away from something, some place, some issue, as when people experience fears or phobias. The easiest way to stop a phobia or fear people often find, is to avoid the experience which causes the phobia, to avoid that place where a spider or snake could be, not to enter that high building or walk across that bridge. Experience has shown though, that by avoiding the fear or phobia, it only re-enforces them making them worse.
In the past I had a client who had a phobia of tunnels, especially those where the exit could not be seen when entering perhaps because there was a bend in the middle, or it was very long. This lady’s train station had such a tunnel, and to get to the other side of the station from where she lived she would travel a very long distance to avoid using the tunnel. Participants on my courses will have heard of this lady, and I forgot to tell them that after seeing me that once, she overcame her phobia.
To avoid pain and hurt may not necessarily be negative as some people presuppose, thinking that such a person is always negative, never a “go getter”, but avoidance can often lead to a positive outcomes or results.
Many rich people have the fear of living in poverty, not to have the flash car, not to go on that exotic holiday, not to be recognised as someone of high standing, not to be loved. These people are driven by the negative outcomes, the pain of not being rich, and strive to create the wealth, the business, to get the qualifications to bring the knowledge of how to achieve those riches.
Perhaps it is the fear of being left alone, not to have a relationship, that drives people to become over friendly, to draw others into a relationship with them, only to find that the person they are left with is not the person they had expected as a life partner, but then when deciding to leave that relationship, they hurt the ones who had been drawn in by the carrot.  
Others choose to enter situations, relationships for the pure pleasure of a negative outcome.
As a small child, I am sure you remember when you lost your first teeth, the Milk Teeth as they are known in the UK? Did you put the tooth under your pillow when you went to bed for the fairies to take and leave a sum of money?
They became wobbly, loose, as the new tooth pushed up from beneath. I remember using my tongue or my fingers to move the tooth backwards and forwards, only stopping pushing or pulling when I felt that twinge of pain, but somehow I enjoyed that little pain, I was reassured that soon the fairies would be visiting, and I became addicted to moving the tooth until I got the pain, pushing the limits and the boundaries.
I observe people who have injured themselves, and keep touching the area just to make sure the injury is still there I am sure to experience that little twinge of pain.
I see many people who come to me for help, and insist on telling me how ill they are, how “no-body loves them“, how depressed they are, they take great joy and satisfaction from re-experiencing their pain and sorrow.
I watch the joggers, panting, sweating, red in the face, as they push themselves imagining they are on yet another London Marathon race. I look into the windows of the myriad of gym clubs around he world, and see people rowing imaginary boats, running down imaginary roads on the treadmills, getting nowhere like the donkey, yet pushing for better times, longer imaginary distances covered.
I had a friend Richard, who was/is a fitness fanatic. Every lunchtime he was in the gym, every night he was in the gym after his hour long run or swim, every morning he would arrive at his desk wearing his tight lycra cycle racing outfit, beads of sweat forming on his forehead and dripping from the end of his nose, his eyes bulging through the extreme energy he had exerted ridding his bike to work, imagining he was wearing the Yellow Shirt on the Tour de France
Why did Richard and other put themselves through such pain and suffering?
Some say it is to become fitter, healthier. But, when I asked Richard what happens when he does not go to the gym, does not cycle to work, he said he feels bad, that he just has to, to feel good. Research has shown that excessive exercise places the body under stress, and the body responds by producing the addictive substances called beta-endorphins.
So, the pain, the physical stress in the body makes the pituitary gland secrete the hormones of endorphins which are chemically related to Morphine. The name “endorphin” is often referred to as “endogenous morphine“, a chemical that binds to certain receptors in the brain, and act as a pain killer and become highly addictive, also known to reduce the appetite, decrease depression and anxiety, giving that feeling of euphoria.
It is no wonder some people are drawn towards pain and suffering and become addicted to such acts, as when the body experiences that stress or pain, chemicals are released to give them a high.
Yet others are drawn to pain because it draws attention to them from others. In extreme cases, people will mutilate themselves by cutting themselves, pulling their hair out. These cases are wide ranging and have multiple causes not to be discussed here, but in some cases it is what is called a “cry for help“, they want attention. We often tell our family, friends and colleagues what a terrible time we have had, bringing back, reliving the experiences only to bring that pain back, for to relive, to talk about, to think about something, we will have to experience the pain again.
So we are all driven towards something, a reward, a pleasure, a new car or dress, a visit to the theatre, or we are driven away from something, to avoid a dislike, pain, discomfort, certain food, a person or place.
In NLP terms (see the NLP Glossary click) there are the Towards People and there are the Away People.
When reading some books on NLP on the subject of Towards and Away People, the author says that a person is either one or the other. When teaching the subject, I will explain the concept, and ask for a show of hands who are Towards and who are Away, and too many people categorise themselves as only one or the other, because that is what they have been told and so believe.
When you analyse a person, ask them questions, and you will ascertain in one situation they will be Towards, yet in another they will be an Away from person.
For me and food, if you mention chocolate cake or ice cream and the chances of eating some, I would do anything for you, I would be your slave, I would sing a song for you, yet the mention of a fish meal would find me making all the excuses I could not to sit down with you.  
For chocolate cake and ice cream I am a Towards person, fish and Away from person.

Yet, if we take about fish in another context, I am Towards person. As a Master Scuba Diver, I have had over 600 dives around the world and have swam with some amazing fish, some dangerous like the Stone Fish and some humorous like the Clown Fish. (click her to see more underwater photographs)

A Stone Fish taken in the Red Sea off Jeddah, Saudi Arabia    Clown Fish taken in the Red Sea off Jeddah, Saudi Arabia

A Stone Fish or Scorpion Fish and a Clown Fish taken in the Red Sea off Jeddah, Saudi Arabia
if you cannot see the Stone Fish click here

Some people will draw others into their world by promising dreams, ideas, Towards, other people will drive people along by planting thoughts of suffering if they do or do not do something, Away.
Be aware of how we are influenced by others and how we influence others. Be aware of that carrot being dangled in front of you, or that stick prodding you onwards.

One up, All up

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Whilst watching people as I usually do, my mind went back to my Mother.

Sitting here, waiting in an airport lounge for my flight to be called, I watched a small family group trying to amuse themselves, to help time pass by. As seems to be the norm these days, electronic games play a large part in keeping the human race amused, although there are book shops to be found, I hardly see people with their noses stuck into a good book, for even real paper books are being replaced by electronic aids.
Each member of the family had their own gadget, each pulling faces as they won or lost a point, each moving their body in-tune with the movement of the game.
The mother must have finished her game, for she switched it off, put it away, and started talking to the father who was extremely unhappy by his wife’s interruption.
The two children were clearly oblivious to the interaction between the mother and father, as they were to the world passing them by, an assortment of human life, passengers flying here and there.
It was then the turn of the children to have the attention of the mother. At first they ignored their mother’s words, their minds and fingers were fighting aliens in the far reaches of space, but her foghorn of a voice and a not so gentle tap no their legs got their attention, with an “Oh Mom, I was winning that game.
You see, mother was hungry, and wanted to stock-up with sweets and snacks for the flight, and now was the time for her to go to the food retail outlets, which now vie for our money, to make our flying experience something to be remembered, to make extra money for the airport operators, for us to buy something we never knew we wanted, like that book that will end up with the rest of the books to be read some other time.
With reluctance, the father and the two children packed their electronics away, and followed mother to buy the snacks, dragging their feet, mumbling under their voices, for they were in the now, still fighting the aliens, not thinking about the future hunger pangs that the mother was totally aware could overcome them all on that flight of fantasy.
It was then I remembered my own Mother when I lived at home. In the morning, when she got up out of bed, so I was expected to be also awake and out of bed. I longed as a teenager who needed more sleep than adults, sleep that stretched until midday, that Mother would have a lie in, to sleep beyond her usual 8am wake-up.
Why was it that when Mother was awake, Phillip had to be awake, when she was up, everyone had to be up, but it was alright for Phillip to be asleep stinking in bed, whilst Mother was asleep, even if she slept to midday?
I was recently retraining my computing skills using the mouse on the computer, playing a game of Solitaire, (that is my excuse for playing the card game, retraining), and I noticed a member of our group was getting quite upset by my activity. “Why was I not interacting with the group?” Yet, not a few hours previously, the whole group was watching a soap-opera on the TV, a TV show I had never seen before and knew nothing about, plus, it was in a language I do not speak, leaving me alone and unwanted.
Why is it that when we are awake, everyone should be up and about, but when we are asleep, everyone should be asleep?
Why is it that when we want to do something, then everyone else should want to do it now with us?
Why is it that when we believe something, then everyone else should believe the same thing?
I have learnt that sometimes just because I want something, to do something, to be somewhere, to understand something to be this way or that way, that sometime I have to keep quiet, to not express my thoughts, my want and needs, to understand that others see the world differently to me, and have different needs, to have a different time scale to me.
What I do not understand, is why people do not see it my way, to understand me and do what I want to do now?
Oh life is Poo Poo. I can not win.

Is this the real Phillip Holt

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Is this really me, the real Phillip Holt?
Do I really look like that?
Phillip Holt, International Trainer, Speaker and Coach
Is this as others see me?
In my head, when I am training, out on stage, or just being me walking around the shops, I do not conceive myself looking like that. In my head my body looks nothing like the above, it is as it was when I was eighteen.
I a recent NLP Practitioner course held in Italy with Coach4Life, there were lots of photographs taken, and when I was shown them, I could not believe my eyes. Surely I do not look like that? Surely I do not act like that?
In Turkey I have often been accompanied by perhaps a young lady translator, and after a hard days working together delivering a course, to go for an evening meal. On the way to the restaurant as we walk past a shop window, I catch sight of the two of us, and it becomes a shock, because there I see a young woman walking next to a “95” year old man. Yet in my head as we are walking together I feel as one, the same age.
In the NLP Practitioner I teach the subjects of The Cat on the Mat and Perceptual Positions.
The Cat on the Mat teaches us to realise that what we take as the truth or reality, is seen in a different way by another person, each and everyone of us have different beliefs, even of the same subject matter. Just look at religions.
With the subject of Perceptual Positions, we learn to see ourselves as others see us, and to many participants or clients I have, it becomes a shock to look at themselves as if through another’s eyes. 
To hear ourselves as others hear us is most peculiar, our voices does not sound the same as the sound waves we hear in our ears are not carried by the air around us, but by the bone structure and skin between our voice box and ear drums.
It is not only the sounds we make as we speak that are completely different from our own ears to those of our listeners, but it is what we say, the content, which is often different to what is received and understood by the listeners to what we meant to say, as with the tonality of how we say our words.
It is when we can step outside our own shoes and look back at ourselves and hear ourselves as others see and hear us, that we may find we need to change our ways.
It could be a parent who treats their offspring as a child, but in reality that “child” is an adult in their twenties.
It could be that a parent wants their child to be of a certain character type, to dress in a certain way, to behave in a particular way, yet that child is different to what the parent expects. This problem arises when a young person realises that they like the same sex partners, and dress and act in their parent’s eyes inappropriately.
It could be that the parent disapproves of the boyfriend or girlfriend, but the two potential partners are hopelessly in-love, enough to get married. The parent only sees the boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife with distaste and ruins their child’s life as well as their own. 
It could be that two partners see the world in a different way to each other, leading to arguments, disagreements and fights.
It is when we see ourselves from another’s perspective or point of view, that we can often see how wrong we could have been, that actually we should change our ways. 
By stepping outside our shoes, as if looking back upon ourselves, we can often see how much harm we have done, how much distress we have caused to others. Or, perhaps, how much good we have done, yet had not perceived it.
So, looking at the photographs from the recent courses I gave, the images were not of me as I perceived myself, yet, the role plays I create, the tonally and words I use, the way I give information, the games I play, the stories I tell, all combine to take the participants on a journey of learning with fun and laughter, in an easy and quick way.
Would I change the way I am?
Perhaps, perhaps not. I am what I am, so accept it.

NLP Practitioner Italy with Coach4Life and NLPNOW

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One of the many countries I love to visit is Italy, especially when I am delivering training courses, the people are so warm and friendly, and so eager to learn.

We have just finished module one of two of an NLP (PNL) Practitioner Course with the Society of NLP with over 30 participants, one coming from Germany. Coach4Life the organisers have done a good job in organising such an event.
Although I have been giving NLP courses or trainings in Italy since the mid 1990’s, I do not think my name has ever appeared on any certification or licenses, that honour and credit was always taken by the organisers, so now my name will be in lights for once.
We had some great fun on this first module, setting a firm foundation to start with, so that we can build a strong knowledge of what Richard Bandler and John Grinder created so many years ago, meaning that when the course is finished, the participants can truly use the title of a Society of NLP Licensed Practitioner, and use the skills in many aspects of their life.
I can truly say even after the first module, I can see changes happening in people.
In many courses I have seen given by others as an NLP Practitioner, I have often seen a watered down version, missing out many of the elements required by the Society and Bandler, either through lack of knowledge or understanding, or that the subject has been learnt from someone who has learnt from someone else who has learnt from someone else, and so on and so on. Some courses even miss out one of the pillars of NLP, the work and practise of Milton Erickson.
So here is to module two in the next few weeks, and future courses organised by Coach4Life.
NLP Practitioner Course in Italy with Phillip Holt and Coach4Life

The Unpredictable Predictable weather

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As a small boy I remember waking-up with the glass of water frozen in the glass next to my bed.

It had been cold when I had gone to bed, and I had piled extra blankets and coats on top of my normal bed coverings, plus I had kept my socks on, but I had not expected it to have been that cold.
Looking out of my classroom window during a less than invigorating lesson of history, to joy of seeing the first snowflakes floating like little feathers to land on the green grass, waiting. anticipating as to if the fallen flakes of snow would “stick” or disappear, melting away like the information being taught that in 1509, Henry VIII came onto the Throne of England.
There was the thrill of nudging the boy next to me without the teacher seeing, and indicating the snow falling, and then the buzz emerging in the classroom, until the teacher being so absorbed in his own knowledge of dear old Henry became aware of the snow.
If the snow had “stuck”, (stayed on the ground), there would be the rush to be the first out into the playground to have a snowball fight, totally ill-dressed to be out there, ordinary shoe, no coats, hats or gloves.
How were we to know it was going to snow?
The old “Red sky at night, shepherds delight, red sky in the morning, shepherds warning,” did not apply, the cows were not lying down in the fields, the wind was not blowing from the East.
We just did not know, and the was the joy of not knowing, the excitement of being surprised by the weather. Everyday was new.
Today we get weather forecasting that is said to be correct for say five days. We have weather warnings sometimes given as colours, Yellow, Amber, Red, the most severe being Red. Then we have Early Warnings and just Warnings being the lead time of the event. We have precise temperature predictions down the the actual degree to be expected. Lastly we have the time all this is due to happen, when we can expect the rain to come down or the sun to poke itself out from behind the cloud.
Where has all the fun gone, the excitement, the not knowing?
Last week whilst giving a Society of NLP Master Practitioner course in Istanbul, Turkey, an old friend told me that on Thursday there would be heavy snow which would be continuing for the next three days.
I had not seen real snow for some time as in previous years I had been giving trainings in warming areas of the world, so I became excited, I wanted to know how much, when precisely and for how long would it last.
I went on the internet and accessed many weather forecasting sites only to find that each one differed in what was going to happen, one predicting just rain.
When it came, I was disappointed as I had chosen to take the word of my old friend literally, expecting to see very deep snow, snow drifts, roads closed, I expected the participants to be late in for the morning start, but found it was me to be the last to arrive and I had only a five minute walk from my hotel to the course venue.
Snow in Istanbul 2012
Snow in Istanbul 2012
So I sit here, recovering from the only predictable outcome from the cold weather, the flu, waiting to see if the predictions of the weather forecasters will come true, will the predicted snow warrant an Amber Warning, in fact will it snow at all?
I think I would rather not know what is to, or should happen.